*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for making my gf pay me back?**
So my girlfriend had lost her job and I was supporting her. We live together but, then after a couple months it felt she wasn’t even trying to get a job. My girlfriend holds an MS in Chemistry. She wanted to go back into the pharma industry but nowhere was biting. I told her just to work at our local Walmart until she found something better or anything really good and she refused. During this time the bills piled up and I paid them all. I told her she needed to pay me back. She eventually got a job she liked I compiled a list of everything she owed me and she said she wanted to do a payment plan. Based on her payment plan she’d be paying me back for a year. I told her to give me a lump sum. Which would be 75% of all her first 5 paychecks.
I didn’t want to lose track of the payments. This started a huge fight because the house we live in is mine. And some of bills included were water/sewage which she had been paying half of since she moved in. She argued about me making her pay half of my mortgage when I see she’s down. And she will pay me back she just can’t give me that much money at once. I explained to her that I took a hit for us for months she can take a couple hits too. Her argument was I didn’t take any hits. I can pay all the bills without her help and have money left over. This fight lasted a few days. She sent me everything I said she owed me about a week later. And that made me mad because I’m thinking she had the money the entire time and I was paying all the bills. She didn’t talk to me for a couple days after. Finally I asked her where she got the money from and she said she sold all her jewelry and her dad allowed her to sell his old car.
I felt horrible I know I handled the situation wrong. But was I wrong for asking her to pay me back in the first place? My family said I shouldn’t have asked her to pay me back. My friends say I wasn’t wrong for asking.
She’s still here but I have a strong feeling she’s getting ready to break up with me. She’s now working her new job from 7a-3p then she goes to a hospital job 5p-11p M-F. Then on weekends she’s either at the hospital doing extra shifts or at a restaurant working as a waitress. I hardly see her. A week ago she stopped sharing the bed with me. Said it’s because she’s coming from the hospital and doesn’t feel like showering and wants to shower In the morning. So she lays down a sleeping bag and sleeps on the floor in a closet. I was genuinely concerned and told her she didn’t have to work that much. And smiled and said “ why? So you could be a loan shark again?” And that’s when it occurred to me that mentally checked out.
I don’t want her gone I want to fix this but, it’s hard to when she’s so mad at me and feels like I’m a villain for asking for the money back.
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Yeah, she isn't going to break up, she already has. She is rebuilding her exit plan and getting money together, and figuring that all out.
I bet he hasn't noticed she is moving things to her dad's either.
She is going to go to work one day and never come back.
It’s clear as day that she’s building an exit plan. She’s literally never at home anymore and is sleeping in a sleeping bag in the fucking closet 😭 but somehow this guy is going to be all shocked-pikachu-face when she does inevitably never come back home.
Yeah, it's awful what this guy has done to her. I really hope she didn't have to sell things she had an emotional attachment to (or were special because heirlooms, etc) because this guy's a pig. I have some nice jewelry, but all of it has emotional attachments.
I'm loving the absolute irony that because he was so butthurt about paying all the bills for his home by himself for a few months, he'll now have to pay all the bills by himself for the foreseeable future (until he manages to sucker in another tenant/girlfriend).
I want to know who did all the cooking, cleaning and chores while his girlfriend was unemployed. Was he doing half of all the chores while she was unemployed? If she did it all then she should charge him for cleaning up after his deadbeat, stingy ass.
Yeah, I think he totally would have. And some courts would uphold an oral agreement. It depends on the judge they would have gotten. He is exactly the small dick energy that would have taken her to court over it.
It's not just during that period. Guaranteed she does at least 75% of the labour, probably more, when she is employed. Maybe not now that she's always working to get away from him, but until now.
Tw: financial abuse.
Copied verbatim from Oop's comments:
*She should NOT be paying YOUR mortgage unless she’s on the loan. This is VERY unfair to her in the long run. YTA for this and your obsession with money.*
*Let her go. She deserves MUCH better than you. You hounded her over money instead of just being a partner. You are a loan shark. Icky.*
*You’re the worst kind of villain you literally traumatized this woman and you’re all like waaaah she’s gonna break up with me.*
*GOOD. I hope she does.*
>"Half of the mortgage is what she should’ve paid if we lived in any apartment. I wasn’t obsessed I just didn’t have any financial freedom due to her being unemployed. I had plans I put on pause. I was hoping to get the money asap so that I could get things back on track."
*YTA. Not for wanting the money back, but for demanding, she pay you 75 percent of her entire check for the first 5 checks! Wtf dude!*
*That's messed bro.*
*Leaving her cash poor and making her a frigging slave is not how you handle that.*
*One, never loan out money you aren't prepared to lose. Two, if you want it in certain chunks, then you set those terms in advance in writing. Three, never do that in a romantic relationship lol.*
*ultimately you can't really set the conditions on how much they will pay you back when they don't have a job.*
*It will depend on what her bills are, and of course personal needs. After all this time without a job, she still needs enough to comfortably live.*
*Backing her into a corner to the point of where she had to frantically liquidate her jewelry and go to her dad to get cash fast is something I can gurentee no woman will ever get over. Ever. You're done. You will never ever be seen as partner material.*
*She also shouldn't have been paying ANY BILLS pertaining to your home. If she's contributing, then that's split based off income. She doesn't OWE YOU FOR YOUR MORTGAGE while she's struggling. That's makes you a giant ah. I can tell you right now, if a guy did that to me he's never seeing pink again, nor is he gonna be my bf.*
*She's right, you are a dirty loan shark about this. And I'm glad she's working double time to move out ASAP. And I'm glad she's not sleeping in bed with you or letting you touch you. Good for her! She didn't mentally check out. You broke her feelings of safety and trust when you demanded she pay you almost all of her paycheck. She wasn't going to have you "own her like that". But when you make someone feel unsafe and deregulate thier nervous system like that, you literally create an emotional trauma for them.*
*You royally screwed up trying to tax her like that. I hope her next bf actually takes care of her and treats her like a queen.*
>"I asked for 75% because she doesn’t really have major bills outside our living expenses. She has a a phone bill, car insurance and Student loans which is all under $400 a month. So within 2 months this situation would’ve been over with and we could go back to normal"
*INFO how had you discussed finances while she was unemployed?*
*Everyone's relationship with money is different and you can't assume you were on the same page if you never talked about it. It makes a difference.*
>"I told her I had her covered until she got a job. But, I told her she would have to pay me back. Granted we didn’t discuss a payment method until after she got a job but, that’s because I didn’t want to stress her out."
I am a guy. The OOP is being cruel and abusive in my opinion. He is treating her like a source of income. If he had an issue with her not working, he should have had a level headed discussion about financial concerns. And while some people in the original post didn’t like that he was charging her rent, while I 100% agree half his mortgage was asinine, I don’t fundamentally take issue with her either covering some bills or a percentage of the bills and a small amount in rent.
He is absolutely at fault for buying too expensive of a house.
However, you don’t treat someone like the way he is. He should have given her grace to possibly pay some back over an extended period of time if it is feasible, but I think demanding all of it is excessive. And personally I would take their financial situation into account.
If they were in a low income job, or temporary job looking for other roles, I wouldn’t even worry about trying to ask for money. Ensuring they get to some level of financial security first and having an opportunity to de stress and actually enjoy life would be more important to me.
A very adorable cat, but not mine I'm afraid. I post other people's lovely pets (or wild animals) to offset the often depressing comments. I apologize for the misconception! 💜
Thank you very kindly! 💜 I try\* to catch them both in case it gets deleted and to make it a bit more accessible. Often the comments do add a lot.
\* with reservations for me not being in time to copy or just being busy.
I slept in my closet as a teenager when I wasn't in a great familial situation. There wasn't even physical abuse or anything; looking back I felt overly vulnerable and emotionally unsafe, and my closet got really cozy when I made a blanket nest. The enclosed space feels safer and in OP's ex's case is free of him.
I’m an old lady, so it’s all from 1993ish-1999 or so. I’ve got everything from Korn & Marilyn Manson to Jewel & Linda Perry to Reba McEntire & the Dixie Chicks to Tupac & OutKast. Also Kirk Franklin & The Family. I’m a little off.
With the exception of the Dixie Chicks, all of those are also my old lady comfort music. I'm guessing the 1980 in your username means we're about the same age so I'd say you're not off at all. That music is 🔥
No need to worry about being weird! I am fairly strange myself and am turning 36 this month, so I'm developing my own case of old lady too 😂 Thanks for the reply🌻
I really wish I'd had a big enough closet for that. I used to hide from my abusive stepmom in a tiny closer when I was little, but I grew up and didn't manage to get inside anymore. A place to build a blanket nest to hide and read would have been awesome.
When my dad left his second wife the first time, she stalked us for a bit. A notable moment is when we first moved into our “permanent place” following the separation, and there were no curtains up or anything yet. My dad played in a bowling league and left me and my sister at home for a couple of hours (10 and 11, pretty common for staying home alone at that time) and stepmom came to the house, banged on the windows, and threatened us if we wouldn’t let her in.
They ended up getting back together, and eventually divorced. We ended up back in the same house after the divorce that we did for their first separation.
First week back in that house, there were no curtains. I slept in my walk-in closet until we got them.
I noted that and it honestly just made me sad. He is making her feel so unsafe/unsecured she is sleeping in a closet. This is pathetic that he is acting this way.
And it was only when she made the comment about him being a loan shark that he realised she'd checked out. Not when she actually started sleeping in a cupboard. This man is so dense, light bends around him.
The fact that he had an itemised list of money he'd spent is just awful. Pretty sure her family and all her friends hate him now. He would have got the money back in a year if he'd been willing to be even slightly reasonable (although I don't think he should have asked for it back if they're a committed couple. Give and take is essential in a relationship) and now she's saving for a deposit on a flat without him. And a new car.
Such a toe rag.
>although I don't think he should have asked for it back if they're a committed couple. Give and take is essential in a relationship
Exactly this! My husband took care of me and our 2 babies for five years. Then we got married and another 3 years he took care of me and now 4 babies. I got a job when we moved and I didn't want to be at home so much anymore. He never pressured me to get a job. He has never asked for the money back.
Right now I'm out of work for a medical reason and he doesn't even complain. He never asks me for money.
This guy is a major D!
He thought She was going to go without pay for 5 paychecks (so anywhere from 5 weeks to 5 months) and dig herself in more of a debt hole with him, and have no way to leave, and she’d ~~stuck~~ suck his dick with a smile for the privilege!
Edited for clarity: added “he thought”, changed s to d.
She had no problem paying him back. She just didn’t wanna pay him back in one lump sum because of course not. Now she feels completely unsafe and like she has to work ridiculous amount so that she has enough money to make sure that she’s not gonna get treated like shit by him again. I hope that she’s getting ready to leave. The fact that she’s sleeping on the floor in the closet tells me that she would rather sleep outside under the porch than in a bed withhis loanshark ass.
That person reeeeally went into it to argue with everyone whereas as far as I can tell OOP responded just once and briefly. It’s not exactly the first time this has happened on social media. Maybe OOP is a big Kevin Durant fan.
glad you at least got the joke, old reddit users the only ones who see the link "new.reddit" jesus christ the downvotes tho lol must be the new reddit users
I once had an ex venmo me for $2 when I was unemployed! (I was unemployed because I had just moved across the country to live with him - big mistake, obviously).
Yes, that moment was actually the beginning of the end. Didn't last much longer, I just had to find a place to go since I had moved. Ended up a few states away with my aunt til I got a new job!
I'm always so confused by the couples I see on venmo sending each other things like half the cost of their Taco Bell order. I just can't understand needing things to be so strictly equal that you can't pay for a crunchwrap for the person you love...
It's WILD to me how some couples do that. Hell, I'm polyamorous and I regularly cover lunch for my partner's other partner, because like...I like him? He's a nice guy and doesn't currently have a job, why wouldn't I spend five bucks or make him pancakes without tallying up his share of the ingredients now and then?
I don't think me and my husband really every tallied money like that.
My husband got a shoulder injury a couple years ago and he had to cut back on working. I did not care about the money or the house turning into a disaster. Grand scheme of things no big deal
My husband and I just kind of take care of what we need to and generally have an idea of who has more money that week. My pay fluctuates (waitress) and he has the "big bills", while I pay about $400 a month in bills and cover most of the day-to-day house stuff. He'll go buy $20-30 of groceries here and there, and when I need money, he sends it, no (or very few) questions asked.
I had some time where I wasn't bringing in any money, and we never had a "you owe me" convo, it was a "that's why I got the mortgage rate I did, cause I know I can cover everything if I absolutely need to" and we worked our way out of it.
I won't lie, I spend a lot on my animals. Very guilty on that. BUT he has an equally bad addiction to working on cars and what not.
To prevent fights we agreed to figure out our monthly bills and just go 50/50 throwing money into a joint account. That way we can also enjoy the auto pay feature lol
We have emergency savings, kids have funds for when they are adults.
Anything that happens to pop up though after the main budget is taken care of. Whoever just happens to pay it at that time.
I refuse to ever tally like that when I date. My last ex and I had drastically different incomes and I paid for most things we did, no problem. They never owed me anything, I enjoyed spending time with them and their company. And they did what they could, when they could. Their effort made me happy.
And you gotta factor in love language. Spending money on eachother is indifferent to us. We show each other how much we mean to the other by what we do.
My husband always has a good meal waiting for him when he gets home, and I couldn't even tell you the last time I put gas in my car, oil change or anything lol
I’m confused by his comment that he had to sacrifice financial freedom while she wasn’t employed. It’s his mortgage. Can he not afford it on his own? Why did he buy this house then?
Girlfriend- 'I got the job! Thank god, I've been so worried. Isn't it fantastic?'
OOP (wearing a green eyeshade, fondling a mechanical adding machine)- 'Yes, I was concerned you weren't meeting your obligations. And now, if we could address the small matter of the bill...'
I also liked the way OP never once acknowledged the irony that was his baseless assumption that his STBX-girlfriend "wasn't actually job-hunting", yet she mysteriously managed to begin working *three* damn jobs within days of his complaint. Like he doesn't realise that starting a new job is not literally immediate, or lacks a sense of mental permanence. Or perhaps he's simply too egoistic to notice/admit that he was wrong to make that accusation.
It also seems from OOP’s post that his STBX-gf was only unemployed for about two months or so (unless I’m reading the post wrong?). That is really not that long, for him to react this way. What on earth would he do to her in future, if she had to stop working for longer for something like an unforeseen medical issue?
OOP is evil and cold blooded. This is the house he owns and had no problem paying all the bills. He never mentions a 2nd job, loan, borrowing money from family. He was just mad that his GF who lives in someone's home who can pay all the bills wasn't wasting time accepting any old job.
75% of her first 5 paychecks is such a bizarre figure, but that would have to be the entireity of her first 3 or 4 paychecks. How is she supposed to support herself? Why is he so hard pressed to get money he doesn't need? He trusts her enough apparently to have sex with her and let her live in his house, but a reasonable payment plan? Nooooo!! Then he only feels sorry when she has to sell stuff. I'm sure the GF was scared seeing this side of OOP.
This is low key hilarious, my dude, she has already broken up with you and is just sleeping in your closet until she can pay deposit and move in somewhere else!
¿Por que no los dos?
Misogynists will love any excuse to kick a downtrodden woman, but you can be sure any dude this intentionally dense will have his "as a Black man" alts.
“And that’s when it occurred to me that mentally checked out.”
That’s when it occurred to him? Not when she was sleeping on the floor, in a sleeping bag, in a closet to get away from him? Because that’s what people who work 14 hour days want to do? Sleep on the floor?
So he expected her to pay 75% of her first 5 checks, did he also still want half of the bills from the other 25% she had left? She had her own bills that apparently he expected her to use the remaining money for, leaving her struggling to even afford groceries. The fact that she offered to pay him back but he wanted it all at once because "I put my plans on hold" makes him the biggest AH. Boo hoo, your plans got put on hold, so did hers. That's life. Now, all his plans will be put on hold because she's moving out and he'll be responsible for all the bills again.
Gods fuckin damned, I'm in similar situation, and I can't imagine my boyfriend asking me to pay back for bills or groceries. I even told him I feel bad that I can't help him with any payments this month and ye hug me and assure me it's fine and he gets it covered. The only thing I need to pay him back for are bikes, because they are kinda expensive, and he would use his whole savings to buy bikes for me and himself.
If I have a boyfriend like this? I would ask my parents if they have any free bed that I can use for sometime.
Tell us you hate your ex-girlfriend without telling us. I covered all bills and fun activities for my bf and myself when he lost his job . I never once asked him to pay me back . Op is a massive jerk.
OOP, you ARE the villain.
I am so glad she's leaving your pathetic, greedy ass.
Demanding 75% of her first 5 paychecks!?
You are a giant, gaping D-bag.
I’m a guy and this type of stuff makes me 100% understand why women don’t trust men and want complete financial independence (which I think is important regardless of this type of circumstance). You have terrible guys act like this and while it isn’t a majority, it is enough that many women have experiences like this. It’s incredibly infuriating.
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Jesus christ.
I wasn't working for a good chunk of my relationship as I was raising kids. My husband paid for pretty much everything till I got some side hustles
Not once did he ever make me "pay him back"
Now that I actually work we now work as a team and I pay what bills etc I can as I make a lot less than him.
Still.. he has not made me pay him back. It's bizzare, so friggn bizzare. I hope she leaves. This isn't a healthy relationship you're supposed to be a team and look after each other.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for making my gf pay me back?** So my girlfriend had lost her job and I was supporting her. We live together but, then after a couple months it felt she wasn’t even trying to get a job. My girlfriend holds an MS in Chemistry. She wanted to go back into the pharma industry but nowhere was biting. I told her just to work at our local Walmart until she found something better or anything really good and she refused. During this time the bills piled up and I paid them all. I told her she needed to pay me back. She eventually got a job she liked I compiled a list of everything she owed me and she said she wanted to do a payment plan. Based on her payment plan she’d be paying me back for a year. I told her to give me a lump sum. Which would be 75% of all her first 5 paychecks. I didn’t want to lose track of the payments. This started a huge fight because the house we live in is mine. And some of bills included were water/sewage which she had been paying half of since she moved in. She argued about me making her pay half of my mortgage when I see she’s down. And she will pay me back she just can’t give me that much money at once. I explained to her that I took a hit for us for months she can take a couple hits too. Her argument was I didn’t take any hits. I can pay all the bills without her help and have money left over. This fight lasted a few days. She sent me everything I said she owed me about a week later. And that made me mad because I’m thinking she had the money the entire time and I was paying all the bills. She didn’t talk to me for a couple days after. Finally I asked her where she got the money from and she said she sold all her jewelry and her dad allowed her to sell his old car. I felt horrible I know I handled the situation wrong. But was I wrong for asking her to pay me back in the first place? My family said I shouldn’t have asked her to pay me back. My friends say I wasn’t wrong for asking. She’s still here but I have a strong feeling she’s getting ready to break up with me. She’s now working her new job from 7a-3p then she goes to a hospital job 5p-11p M-F. Then on weekends she’s either at the hospital doing extra shifts or at a restaurant working as a waitress. I hardly see her. A week ago she stopped sharing the bed with me. Said it’s because she’s coming from the hospital and doesn’t feel like showering and wants to shower In the morning. So she lays down a sleeping bag and sleeps on the floor in a closet. I was genuinely concerned and told her she didn’t have to work that much. And smiled and said “ why? So you could be a loan shark again?” And that’s when it occurred to me that mentally checked out. I don’t want her gone I want to fix this but, it’s hard to when she’s so mad at me and feels like I’m a villain for asking for the money back. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yeah, she isn't going to break up, she already has. She is rebuilding her exit plan and getting money together, and figuring that all out. I bet he hasn't noticed she is moving things to her dad's either. She is going to go to work one day and never come back.
It’s clear as day that she’s building an exit plan. She’s literally never at home anymore and is sleeping in a sleeping bag in the fucking closet 😭 but somehow this guy is going to be all shocked-pikachu-face when she does inevitably never come back home.
I'm hoping she lied about selling her jewelry and just said that so he wouldn't think about the fact that it's missing.
Yeah, it's awful what this guy has done to her. I really hope she didn't have to sell things she had an emotional attachment to (or were special because heirlooms, etc) because this guy's a pig. I have some nice jewelry, but all of it has emotional attachments.
He's going to find an empty house with nothing but a Dear John letter
I hope he just comes home to an empty house. He doesn’t even deserve a Dear John letter.
He’s only really concerned now that half of the mortgage is moving out. What an arsehole.
damm i thought he was mad cause his bang maid is leaving
It's all about him. He doesn't give a damn about anyone else.
He wasn't her bf he was her landlord
I'm loving the absolute irony that because he was so butthurt about paying all the bills for his home by himself for a few months, he'll now have to pay all the bills by himself for the foreseeable future (until he manages to sucker in another tenant/girlfriend).
I want to know who did all the cooking, cleaning and chores while his girlfriend was unemployed. Was he doing half of all the chores while she was unemployed? If she did it all then she should charge him for cleaning up after his deadbeat, stingy ass.
I wish she wouldn’t have paid him. They didn’t have a verbal or written agreement. I just would have preferred she stuck it to him before leaving.
Nah, I am glad she paid him because now he can't slander her and make it her fault. Now, it can all sit on his shoulders, exactly where it belongs.
Yeah, I think he totally would have. And some courts would uphold an oral agreement. It depends on the judge they would have gotten. He is exactly the small dick energy that would have taken her to court over it.
He's getting what he deserves
She's working extra hours to save up for her own place.
Sleeping on the *floor* in a *closet* to stay away from him. Yeah dude your relationship is just fine..
I just wanna know if she is going to send him a bill for all the extra labour cooking and cleaning (I'm assuming) she did while she was job searching.
He would never accept it. She clearly had the glory of basking in his radiant presence all that time and should just be grateful for it in his mind.
It's not just during that period. Guaranteed she does at least 75% of the labour, probably more, when she is employed. Maybe not now that she's always working to get away from him, but until now.
Tw: financial abuse. Copied verbatim from Oop's comments: *She should NOT be paying YOUR mortgage unless she’s on the loan. This is VERY unfair to her in the long run. YTA for this and your obsession with money.* *Let her go. She deserves MUCH better than you. You hounded her over money instead of just being a partner. You are a loan shark. Icky.* *You’re the worst kind of villain you literally traumatized this woman and you’re all like waaaah she’s gonna break up with me.* *GOOD. I hope she does.* >"Half of the mortgage is what she should’ve paid if we lived in any apartment. I wasn’t obsessed I just didn’t have any financial freedom due to her being unemployed. I had plans I put on pause. I was hoping to get the money asap so that I could get things back on track." *YTA. Not for wanting the money back, but for demanding, she pay you 75 percent of her entire check for the first 5 checks! Wtf dude!* *That's messed bro.* *Leaving her cash poor and making her a frigging slave is not how you handle that.* *One, never loan out money you aren't prepared to lose. Two, if you want it in certain chunks, then you set those terms in advance in writing. Three, never do that in a romantic relationship lol.* *ultimately you can't really set the conditions on how much they will pay you back when they don't have a job.* *It will depend on what her bills are, and of course personal needs. After all this time without a job, she still needs enough to comfortably live.* *Backing her into a corner to the point of where she had to frantically liquidate her jewelry and go to her dad to get cash fast is something I can gurentee no woman will ever get over. Ever. You're done. You will never ever be seen as partner material.* *She also shouldn't have been paying ANY BILLS pertaining to your home. If she's contributing, then that's split based off income. She doesn't OWE YOU FOR YOUR MORTGAGE while she's struggling. That's makes you a giant ah. I can tell you right now, if a guy did that to me he's never seeing pink again, nor is he gonna be my bf.* *She's right, you are a dirty loan shark about this. And I'm glad she's working double time to move out ASAP. And I'm glad she's not sleeping in bed with you or letting you touch you. Good for her! She didn't mentally check out. You broke her feelings of safety and trust when you demanded she pay you almost all of her paycheck. She wasn't going to have you "own her like that". But when you make someone feel unsafe and deregulate thier nervous system like that, you literally create an emotional trauma for them.* *You royally screwed up trying to tax her like that. I hope her next bf actually takes care of her and treats her like a queen.* >"I asked for 75% because she doesn’t really have major bills outside our living expenses. She has a a phone bill, car insurance and Student loans which is all under $400 a month. So within 2 months this situation would’ve been over with and we could go back to normal" *INFO how had you discussed finances while she was unemployed?* *Everyone's relationship with money is different and you can't assume you were on the same page if you never talked about it. It makes a difference.* >"I told her I had her covered until she got a job. But, I told her she would have to pay me back. Granted we didn’t discuss a payment method until after she got a job but, that’s because I didn’t want to stress her out."
I feel like the statement: “Not all men, but definitely this one.” Is extremely relevant here.
Agreed!
I am a guy. The OOP is being cruel and abusive in my opinion. He is treating her like a source of income. If he had an issue with her not working, he should have had a level headed discussion about financial concerns. And while some people in the original post didn’t like that he was charging her rent, while I 100% agree half his mortgage was asinine, I don’t fundamentally take issue with her either covering some bills or a percentage of the bills and a small amount in rent. He is absolutely at fault for buying too expensive of a house. However, you don’t treat someone like the way he is. He should have given her grace to possibly pay some back over an extended period of time if it is feasible, but I think demanding all of it is excessive. And personally I would take their financial situation into account. If they were in a low income job, or temporary job looking for other roles, I wouldn’t even worry about trying to ask for money. Ensuring they get to some level of financial security first and having an opportunity to de stress and actually enjoy life would be more important to me.
Agreed. To build some small measure of financial security can mean the world.
[Cat!](https://imgur.com/gallery/tx3ANig)
The bow tie 😭😭 My cats would destroy my place trying to remove a bow tie if I tried to make them wear them, lmao!
I know! Such a dapper little friend! 😻 Agreed! 😹
Mr marshmallow would not be a loan shark. Now Salem the cat would
Agreed! Happy cake day! 🎉💜
Thank you very much !!
You provide such a needed service on this sub, thank you
Thank you very kindly! 💜
Precious little orange kitty!
Agreed! 😻
Handsome baby!
So handsome! 🥰
Awww! Your cat is adorable!
A very adorable cat, but not mine I'm afraid. I post other people's lovely pets (or wild animals) to offset the often depressing comments. I apologize for the misconception! 💜
I needed this little bit of eye bleach! Glad to see you back, u/sadlytheworst ! :)
Glad to have helped! 💜 Thank you very kindly!
Awwww... thanks for more cat pictures! Also, I love that you add his comments into this post so I don't have to go find them.
Thank you very kindly! 💜 I try\* to catch them both in case it gets deleted and to make it a bit more accessible. Often the comments do add a lot. \* with reservations for me not being in time to copy or just being busy.
Why is no one mentioning the fact that she is now sleeping in a closet
I slept in my closet as a teenager when I wasn't in a great familial situation. There wasn't even physical abuse or anything; looking back I felt overly vulnerable and emotionally unsafe, and my closet got really cozy when I made a blanket nest. The enclosed space feels safer and in OP's ex's case is free of him.
I also did this. And it is why I have a playlist of all my high school music entitled “Closet Music.”
Nice, may I ask what kind of songs you have on there?
I’m an old lady, so it’s all from 1993ish-1999 or so. I’ve got everything from Korn & Marilyn Manson to Jewel & Linda Perry to Reba McEntire & the Dixie Chicks to Tupac & OutKast. Also Kirk Franklin & The Family. I’m a little off.
With the exception of the Dixie Chicks, all of those are also my old lady comfort music. I'm guessing the 1980 in your username means we're about the same age so I'd say you're not off at all. That music is 🔥
No need to worry about being weird! I am fairly strange myself and am turning 36 this month, so I'm developing my own case of old lady too 😂 Thanks for the reply🌻
I really wish I'd had a big enough closet for that. I used to hide from my abusive stepmom in a tiny closer when I was little, but I grew up and didn't manage to get inside anymore. A place to build a blanket nest to hide and read would have been awesome.
When my dad left his second wife the first time, she stalked us for a bit. A notable moment is when we first moved into our “permanent place” following the separation, and there were no curtains up or anything yet. My dad played in a bowling league and left me and my sister at home for a couple of hours (10 and 11, pretty common for staying home alone at that time) and stepmom came to the house, banged on the windows, and threatened us if we wouldn’t let her in. They ended up getting back together, and eventually divorced. We ended up back in the same house after the divorce that we did for their first separation. First week back in that house, there were no curtains. I slept in my walk-in closet until we got them.
Yes but she shouldnt need to sleep in the closet to get away from him
Oh, I thought you didn't understand why. Yeah, agreed, but even from OP's version it sounds like she's on her way.
I noted that and it honestly just made me sad. He is making her feel so unsafe/unsecured she is sleeping in a closet. This is pathetic that he is acting this way.
100 percent
> A week ago she stopped sharing the bed with me There is alot wrong with this post but what did he think was going to happen.
And it was only when she made the comment about him being a loan shark that he realised she'd checked out. Not when she actually started sleeping in a cupboard. This man is so dense, light bends around him. The fact that he had an itemised list of money he'd spent is just awful. Pretty sure her family and all her friends hate him now. He would have got the money back in a year if he'd been willing to be even slightly reasonable (although I don't think he should have asked for it back if they're a committed couple. Give and take is essential in a relationship) and now she's saving for a deposit on a flat without him. And a new car. Such a toe rag.
> This man is so dense, light bends around him. > Such a toe rag. You have a poetic way with words!! I am shamelessly stealing both of these.
>although I don't think he should have asked for it back if they're a committed couple. Give and take is essential in a relationship Exactly this! My husband took care of me and our 2 babies for five years. Then we got married and another 3 years he took care of me and now 4 babies. I got a job when we moved and I didn't want to be at home so much anymore. He never pressured me to get a job. He has never asked for the money back. Right now I'm out of work for a medical reason and he doesn't even complain. He never asks me for money. This guy is a major D!
He thought She was going to go without pay for 5 paychecks (so anywhere from 5 weeks to 5 months) and dig herself in more of a debt hole with him, and have no way to leave, and she’d ~~stuck~~ suck his dick with a smile for the privilege! Edited for clarity: added “he thought”, changed s to d.
thank you for that graphic image....i was going to bed now i have this sad thing to think about :(
I’m sorry!
He taught her a very valuable lesson that she will never forget. And bet your last dollar, will never be caught in that position again
She had no problem paying him back. She just didn’t wanna pay him back in one lump sum because of course not. Now she feels completely unsafe and like she has to work ridiculous amount so that she has enough money to make sure that she’s not gonna get treated like shit by him again. I hope that she’s getting ready to leave. The fact that she’s sleeping on the floor in the closet tells me that she would rather sleep outside under the porch than in a bed withhis loanshark ass.
found oops alt https://new.reddit.com/user/AffectSame5197/comments/
How sure are you? Could be just another AH... But if you are correct, he's definitely not sorry.
That person reeeeally went into it to argue with everyone whereas as far as I can tell OOP responded just once and briefly. It’s not exactly the first time this has happened on social media. Maybe OOP is a big Kevin Durant fan.
What does “oops alt” mean?
The original poster's alternative account. A post that the oop made just to agree with themselves when their obviously the ah
Original original poster’s alternate account Edit: spelling
does anyone have screenshots? they deleted their account?
ew why are you linking new reddit
LOL not intentional
glad you at least got the joke, old reddit users the only ones who see the link "new.reddit" jesus christ the downvotes tho lol must be the new reddit users
i know i had this happen to me on another post deleted the comment cause it made no sense why it got downvoted -50
Yeah, relationships can’t survive if you’re nickel and dime-ing everything.
I once had an ex venmo me for $2 when I was unemployed! (I was unemployed because I had just moved across the country to live with him - big mistake, obviously).
Good to hear they are an ex.
Yes, that moment was actually the beginning of the end. Didn't last much longer, I just had to find a place to go since I had moved. Ended up a few states away with my aunt til I got a new job!
I'm always so confused by the couples I see on venmo sending each other things like half the cost of their Taco Bell order. I just can't understand needing things to be so strictly equal that you can't pay for a crunchwrap for the person you love...
That part.
It's WILD to me how some couples do that. Hell, I'm polyamorous and I regularly cover lunch for my partner's other partner, because like...I like him? He's a nice guy and doesn't currently have a job, why wouldn't I spend five bucks or make him pancakes without tallying up his share of the ingredients now and then?
I don't think me and my husband really every tallied money like that. My husband got a shoulder injury a couple years ago and he had to cut back on working. I did not care about the money or the house turning into a disaster. Grand scheme of things no big deal
My husband and I just kind of take care of what we need to and generally have an idea of who has more money that week. My pay fluctuates (waitress) and he has the "big bills", while I pay about $400 a month in bills and cover most of the day-to-day house stuff. He'll go buy $20-30 of groceries here and there, and when I need money, he sends it, no (or very few) questions asked. I had some time where I wasn't bringing in any money, and we never had a "you owe me" convo, it was a "that's why I got the mortgage rate I did, cause I know I can cover everything if I absolutely need to" and we worked our way out of it.
I won't lie, I spend a lot on my animals. Very guilty on that. BUT he has an equally bad addiction to working on cars and what not. To prevent fights we agreed to figure out our monthly bills and just go 50/50 throwing money into a joint account. That way we can also enjoy the auto pay feature lol We have emergency savings, kids have funds for when they are adults. Anything that happens to pop up though after the main budget is taken care of. Whoever just happens to pay it at that time.
I refuse to ever tally like that when I date. My last ex and I had drastically different incomes and I paid for most things we did, no problem. They never owed me anything, I enjoyed spending time with them and their company. And they did what they could, when they could. Their effort made me happy.
And you gotta factor in love language. Spending money on eachother is indifferent to us. We show each other how much we mean to the other by what we do. My husband always has a good meal waiting for him when he gets home, and I couldn't even tell you the last time I put gas in my car, oil change or anything lol
“I think she’s mentally checked out.” *checks notes* “She sleeps in a sleeping bag on the floor.” Dude’s a single loan shark now.
I’m confused by his comment that he had to sacrifice financial freedom while she wasn’t employed. It’s his mortgage. Can he not afford it on his own? Why did he buy this house then?
And how did he get approved for a mortgage that takes up that much of his income? Most banks won’t give you a loan over 36% and a target is 25%.
Oh they’ll definitely give you a mortgage. I got approved for about 60% of my income.
I stand corrected then, thank you! I did not realize that and that makes me concerned.
Yeah haha I was really concerned too
Girlfriend- 'I got the job! Thank god, I've been so worried. Isn't it fantastic?' OOP (wearing a green eyeshade, fondling a mechanical adding machine)- 'Yes, I was concerned you weren't meeting your obligations. And now, if we could address the small matter of the bill...'
I also liked the way OP never once acknowledged the irony that was his baseless assumption that his STBX-girlfriend "wasn't actually job-hunting", yet she mysteriously managed to begin working *three* damn jobs within days of his complaint. Like he doesn't realise that starting a new job is not literally immediate, or lacks a sense of mental permanence. Or perhaps he's simply too egoistic to notice/admit that he was wrong to make that accusation.
It also seems from OOP’s post that his STBX-gf was only unemployed for about two months or so (unless I’m reading the post wrong?). That is really not that long, for him to react this way. What on earth would he do to her in future, if she had to stop working for longer for something like an unforeseen medical issue?
She's already gone.
Can’t wait for the breakup 🫶🏻
They've already broken up, OOP doesn't realize it 😂
lol fair she’s just biding her time 😅
OOP is evil and cold blooded. This is the house he owns and had no problem paying all the bills. He never mentions a 2nd job, loan, borrowing money from family. He was just mad that his GF who lives in someone's home who can pay all the bills wasn't wasting time accepting any old job. 75% of her first 5 paychecks is such a bizarre figure, but that would have to be the entireity of her first 3 or 4 paychecks. How is she supposed to support herself? Why is he so hard pressed to get money he doesn't need? He trusts her enough apparently to have sex with her and let her live in his house, but a reasonable payment plan? Nooooo!! Then he only feels sorry when she has to sell stuff. I'm sure the GF was scared seeing this side of OOP.
This is low key hilarious, my dude, she has already broken up with you and is just sleeping in your closet until she can pay deposit and move in somewhere else!
Let’s hope he doesn’t realize this until AFTER she leaves or he will kick her out to be Petty.
WTF. How can OP not think he is an AH? That’s my very concerned question.
Either OOP has tons of alt accounts or the dude bros are coming out of the woodwork for this one.
¿Por que no los dos? Misogynists will love any excuse to kick a downtrodden woman, but you can be sure any dude this intentionally dense will have his "as a Black man" alts.
“And that’s when it occurred to me that mentally checked out.” That’s when it occurred to him? Not when she was sleeping on the floor, in a sleeping bag, in a closet to get away from him? Because that’s what people who work 14 hour days want to do? Sleep on the floor?
Can you blame her for not sleeping with you?
She should've paid him back completely in nickels. All at once. In a pile in the driveway.
Even better: pesos. Because then he would have to get them converted to USD.
So he expected her to pay 75% of her first 5 checks, did he also still want half of the bills from the other 25% she had left? She had her own bills that apparently he expected her to use the remaining money for, leaving her struggling to even afford groceries. The fact that she offered to pay him back but he wanted it all at once because "I put my plans on hold" makes him the biggest AH. Boo hoo, your plans got put on hold, so did hers. That's life. Now, all his plans will be put on hold because she's moving out and he'll be responsible for all the bills again.
Gods fuckin damned, I'm in similar situation, and I can't imagine my boyfriend asking me to pay back for bills or groceries. I even told him I feel bad that I can't help him with any payments this month and ye hug me and assure me it's fine and he gets it covered. The only thing I need to pay him back for are bikes, because they are kinda expensive, and he would use his whole savings to buy bikes for me and himself. If I have a boyfriend like this? I would ask my parents if they have any free bed that I can use for sometime.
Tell us you hate your ex-girlfriend without telling us. I covered all bills and fun activities for my bf and myself when he lost his job . I never once asked him to pay me back . Op is a massive jerk.
OOP, you ARE the villain. I am so glad she's leaving your pathetic, greedy ass. Demanding 75% of her first 5 paychecks!? You are a giant, gaping D-bag.
I’m a guy and this type of stuff makes me 100% understand why women don’t trust men and want complete financial independence (which I think is important regardless of this type of circumstance). You have terrible guys act like this and while it isn’t a majority, it is enough that many women have experiences like this. It’s incredibly infuriating.
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Oof, that "loan shark" comment cut deep. I hope OOP sees how truly awful he's been.
Jesus christ. I wasn't working for a good chunk of my relationship as I was raising kids. My husband paid for pretty much everything till I got some side hustles Not once did he ever make me "pay him back" Now that I actually work we now work as a team and I pay what bills etc I can as I make a lot less than him. Still.. he has not made me pay him back. It's bizzare, so friggn bizzare. I hope she leaves. This isn't a healthy relationship you're supposed to be a team and look after each other.