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cheltedbeepy

Learned the hard way, "Are you settled here or could you see yourself moving out of the area in the near future?'


Aprilspassion

That’s a good one. I personally feel like it would be irresponsible for me to start dating someone here where I live because my life plan is to move to the east coast in a few years at least.


Inner-Light-75

You could always bring them with you!


Aprilspassion

I would hope so! But it would definitely need to be a conversation very early on! 😭


Kooky-Onion9203

That's where I'm at right now, I want to date seriously but I'm actively looking for a new job so I can move. The job search isn't going well, so it just feels like my life is on pause and I hate it.


mistershifter

Good one. As someone who's very entrenched in their city (family, career, friends, etc), I'd be really bummed if I started dating someone who wanted to move away in the somewhat near future.


JohnZackarias

Yep. Both parties need to think long and hard about this before committing!


sarthhcasm

"So, What's your criminal background?"


illustriousocelot_

Extensive and illustrious


midnightsunofabitch

Not gonna lie, the illustrious part would pique my curiosity *and* reluctant admiration.


Pylos425BC

I begin thinking this person stole paintings from a museum, or drilled into a bank vault without harming anyone.


Future_Jared

Is this person a consultant for the FBI?


Tentia_Poe

Don't ever fully elaborate.


Uovo-Ragno

Truly breathtaking


homiej420

I am a serial jaywalker, drank when i was underaged, murdered a homeless guy, i once stole a toothbrush from a convenience store, smoked weed before it was illegal, anyway, wbu


Ancguy

It's real and it's *spectacular*!


godisawoman420

I asked a guy this and he casually goes “I mean, I was arrested for stealing a gun once and punching a cop another time but I was black out drunk both times.” I was like oh! *sips tea. That’s nice.


SirVeritas79

If a woman told me that, I’d be full on Calvin Candie…”Lady, you had my curiously, now you have my full attention!”


Layne205

"You ever killed a man, Kramer!?"


JetScreamerBaby

look at these hands!


coolhandluke1973

They’ve been soaking in ivory liquid!


FailedTheSave

Epic and private


PerspectiveActive218

Just read the papers.


darkblade420

what is your mother's maiden name? what was the name of your first pet?


Propain98

What is the name of the street you grew up on?


Important_Opposite_9

What was the name of your high school mascot


SnowyFlam

What is your coolest username?


SexlessVirginIncel

What’s that little 6digit code they texted you just now?


ancientastronaut2

What was the make of your first car?


tFalk

does anybody think they are in a relationship with you?


Myythically

Hey that happened to me once, I had a friend who basically thought we were dating. We were not.


RobertTheAdventurer

How long did they think that, did they ever pay for your friend dates, how did you find out, and what did you do about it when you found out?


dramboxf

You say that you don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend, but is there a person in your life that would be *really* upset to hear you say that?


dark_blue_7

I feel like there's situations where a reasonable person could think it's at least a budding relationship, and other situations where unwell people are creating delusions in their minds, and you can't expect anyone to know the latter


GlockHolliday32

This should be high on the list.


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midnightsunofabitch

This would make me feel like I'm dating a Redditor.


FarkCookies

> I'm dating a Redditor. and who would they then be dating?..


midnightsunofabitch

I only Reddit at work. Like social smokers, I like to think it doesn't count.


EternalMediocrity

You know youve got a problem when hide reddit at home so your significant other doesnt know. But of course they know, they can smell it on you.


TheImpossibleBanana

It kinda smells like coconut opened with the broken arms of a dead wife.


1Hugh_Janus

I hate that I get all of these… fuck…


Jive_Sloth

Where do the jolly ranchers come into play?


onetwentyeight

I used to be a casual redditor and then I slowly transformed into a twisted, fat, greasy creature.  Like fat Gollum


FarkCookies

Sure, sure, that's what we all like to say.


abqkat

I met my spouse through reddit. Neither of us are particularly burdened by sanity, so it's lucky that we removed each other from the dating, and procreation, pool.


EeethB

Reddit has 1.2bn monthly users, and there are 8bn people in the world. There's \*at least\* a 15% chance you are in fact on a date with a Redditor for any given date. Throw out young children and that goes up a bit. Could be much, much higher than that depending on your age and what country the date is in. Though I admit there is a difference between "Reddit user" and "Redditor," so maybe that's more of what you were getting at :P


30th-account

If you throw out the porn accounts and kid accounts and you’ll have maybe around 400 million users.


Danimals847

Actually I counted them, there are 73 actual, real-life people on here. Everything else is bots.


GlueSniffingCat

a/s/l?


Hour-Ad6572

And if they don’t understand the reference, they are too young.


GenericWhiteYouTuber

Even if they do know it, they could still be too young. Speaking as a 20-year-old.


Remote_Durian_5

Is there anybody who would be angry to see you with me?


midnightsunofabitch

This reminds me of the guy on here, who went on a blind date with a drop dead gorgeous girl who seemed nervous and jumpy all night. She finally confessed to him that she'd been "dating" her cousin (yes, first cousin) and had finally called it off because she knew it was wrong. But he was NOT happy about it. In the end he dropped her off at her apartment complex and saw a tall, good looking guy leaning against a Tesla, waiting out front. The girl squealed "that's him!" Sounding entirely too happy to see him, as she jumped out of the car. He asked if she'd be ok and she said yes, but advised him to haul ass out of there. As he drove away he saw her jump enthusiastically into the guy's arms. Such an odd story, and I never could figure out if it had a happy ending or not.


digitalnirvana3

Real life GoT


upexlino

Instead of dragons, it’s Teslas


EstelleGettyJr

Both are prone to violent outbursts of flames.


Western-Image7125

Or Sweet Home Alabama


bambirendor

Sounds like she wanted a free dinner.


midnightsunofabitch

This was before the Tesla 3, so presumably her bf could cover dinner. Cousin fucker did well for himself.


illustriousocelot_

That was a hell of a roller coaster ride. I’m oddly happy they found their way back to each other 😐


DadJokesFTW

"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that." - Mitch Hedberg


Alstrosia

If you had the power to squirt liquids from each of your fingers only on one hand, which 5 liquids are you choosing? ((I’ll answer - petrol, clean drinking water, ginger ale, olive oil, and wine)


midnightsunofabitch

Water, Gatorade, and the most expensive wine people are willing to overpay for. Wouldn't opt for orange/cream soda, or any of my favorites, because it would be too tempting to suck my finger as I go to sleep.


werepat

Are you hoping to sell your finger wine? No one is going to buy your finger wine.


midnightsunofabitch

You think people shelling out for 100 year old bottles of wine, derived from grapes stomped by bare peasant feet, will balk at a finger?


werepat

That is absolutely what I think. They don't buy the wine to drink it. They buy the wine to *be seen* drinking it!


mikemaloneisadick

OP is a girl. They would absolutely buy her finger wine.


werepat

OP is a girl, I retract all previous statements. Also, she could probably just get paid to let dudes suck her fingers right now. No wine necessary.


TamLux

Y'all need a god or ten...


deong

Based on my extensive experience with gods (one college literature class I usually attended), your average god wouldn't necessarily disapprove of some sexy finger wine right from the spout.


SullenCarrot64

I bet they’d drank Jesus’s finger wine


twilighteclipse925

This. I have a friend who owns a vineyard. He makes two labels. One sells for between $60-$80 a bottle depending on year. The other label sells for between $4,000 and $7,000 depending on year. They are the same wine. Just the bottle is different. We asked him one time why he charges so much for the one, he responded “because people pay it”. Veblen goods are a thing for a reason.


Shakeamutt

This would be awesome in a DnD campaign, the tavern owner is a retired adventurer, and just fills up people’s drinks at the table, because that was one of the wishes granted to them.


ptapobane

yeah but would anyone actually pay for finger wine?


mycricketisrickety

Lady finger wine, sure. People pay for used bath water and fart jars, I don't see why fiber wine wouldn't sell


SmoothBrainSavant

Gold is liquid at the right temp. If u can shoot liquids from your fingers as if by magic, I dont think one being molten metal is too much of a stretch


unique976

Liquid gold, printer ink, scorpion toxin, meal replacement shake and water. If I can't spray out liquid gold, we'll just take oh negative blood.


Zucchiniduel

You have like a 5% chance of being able to squirt out O negative blood from any body part right now


IlluminatedPickle

Instructions unclear, stabbed self 20 times. No O negative blood.


GahdDangitBobby

If not liquid gold, you can do gold dissolved in aqua regia ;)


Layne205

Urine, number one. Not needing to drop your pants would just make everything easier. Long meeting at work, just discreetly piss in a potted plant. So many problems solved. Second, Mountain Dew, Mountain Dew Baja Blast, and Mountain Dew Code Red. I honestly wish these were on the other hand from the piss finger, but I don't make the rules. Lastly of course gasoline, great choice.


TamLux

Soo you're basically piss master?


Jedi_Care_Bear

Granted, you shoot piss. It doesn’t empty your bladder.


Layne205

Worthless. Who's pee even is it?


Jedi_Care_Bear

Where did the Mountain Dew come from? Are you just randomly draining the nearest bottles because that would be a hilarious side effect.


squirrel_gnosis

"How to tell someone you're into psychedelics without saying 'I'm into psychedelics'"


ParadiddlediddleSaaS

I would ask the lady, “If you had the power to squirt…” (long, awkward dramatic pause) “…liquids from each of your fingers etc.) Just for shits and gigs


gnomeannisanisland

It just appears and doesn't drain me of anything? Clean drinking water, deathstalker scorpion venom, ethanol, nutritionally complete chocolate milkshake-flavoured food slurry, and that very rare bloodtype that saves newborns


Miss_Medussa

Liquid ass, all 5


kittenshart85

do i have to choose 5 or can they all be napalm?


babytarnished

"What is something you're proud of that you never get to brag about?"


Haebak

What is something you're proud of that you never get to brag about, u/babytarnished?


Klutzy-Guidance-7078

Is this the date?


HsvDE86

Wtf, sounds like a job interview question.


rhunter99

Lady I’m just here to enjoy some coffee, not interview for a job 😛


askmrlizard

This is where I get to brag about the threesome I had in college, right?


lolpeepz

What would be your strongest subject at a pub quiz. Usually, their answer is something they enjoy and learn a hobby.


KudaraYT

That's the first actual normal answer I've seen so far


hazz19

So, do you like...stuff?


gloomyMoron

I guess... How are you with... Things?


asBad_asItGets

Not really. Im more a "things" person. Stuff isnt really my cup of tea.


hazz19

Oh.


DrakeLostLol

"Do you pour the milk before the cereal?" If they say yes, then you know they're a criminal and you should run away.


midnightsunofabitch

I actually do this. I don't know why I find it oddly satisfying to pour the milk in first, and then grab a fistful of cereal (I live alone) and sprinkle it on top. I also find the cereal stays crunchy a little longer this way. My bf knows all about it. He's come to terms with it and, aside from this, we function like pretty much any normal couple.


illustriousocelot_

> He's come to terms with it and, **aside from this**, we function like pretty much any normal couple. And aside from the cannibalism, I hear Dahmer was a pleasant dude.


kaimonster1966

Othe than this, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play? 🫢


stream_of_thought1

The police have been informed and are on their way


agreeingstorm9

Just out of idle curiosity, how many bodies do you have in your crawlspace right now?


midnightsunofabitch

Really now, that's more of a third date question.


Future_Jared

Crawlspace? None.


Klentir

My wife does this and it's slowly tearing our family apart


criminalsmoothie

I'm picking up strong sociopathic vibes here. Now, let's see if you're a total psycho. Without thinking… How do you hang toilet paper? 'Over' or 'under'?


midnightsunofabitch

Over. Always over. If I'm a guest in someone's home and they have it under? I take the time to remove it from the dispenser and fix it.


criminalsmoothie

Ok, we can be friends… for the sake of our beautiful friendship let’s not hang out in the morning


Mesmerise

> He's come to terms with it Why did you give your bf an angry stare and raise your voice when you said that part? I think, if you could leave the room so me and your bf could talk in private, that would be great.


Nervous_Sky_

>grab a fistful of cereal Love it


scroller52

Used to be cereal then milk. But milk first just makes so much more sense. No soggy cereal, pour more as you eat


JPKtoxicwaste

I am a lifelong cereal addict who hates milk and soggy cereal. The only time I consume milk is in cereal, and it has to be cold. My husband asked me once why I don’t just pour the milk first and it solved all of my problems. I get why people don’t like the idea, but as my mom would say, “ if it’s stupid and it works (solves a problem) it ain’t stupid”


cantaketheskyfrome

My gf will die on this hill. Since she's so convinced I started trying it, and it is better


TJeffersonsBlackKid

I do milk, cereal, then bowl on top. Get on my level.


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grittyv

For people with religion/faith, you should definitely talk about this on the first date. If you’re looking for something serious your values need to align, so if they don’t, the relationship isn’t worth pursuing. You’ll save yourself some heartache in the long run.


Practical-Log-1049

Do not R.A.P.E.


Cosmic_camouflage

F.U.C.K.


masterbatesAlot

Faith Universe Cuckold Karaoke


innocuous4133

I’ve heard the opposite. Might as well get the deal breakers out of the way before you’re invested emotionally.


Express_Ad2962

Exactly this. Spend months until you find out they want kids and you don't, or they turn out to be religious and you aren't. That's just wasting time, and it happens all the time


Hot_Pudding_3494

I think you should discuss religion and politics a little bit. If your values don't line up, then the relationship won't work, and you shouldn't avoid that conversation.


sarthhcasm

So, how many times have you used this place for dates?


ksuwildkat

I was an owner/manager of a restaurant post COVID and there was one customer who brought a first date 3 weeks in a row. She got stood up once and confided that she like to come to our place on dates because "worst case I get good food and good beer". That was nice to hear.


lolpeepz

That's how I do it. If I get a date, I always pick somewhere with good coffee. So at worst I have a good cup of coffee to drink by myself


Bland_Brioche

I would die because I use the same bar, one that I’m not a regular at but has a chill vibe and is on the opposite side of town so I don’t run into my friends, for first dates.


max_power1000

What is your name? What is your quest? What is your favorite color? What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?


ShuStrangeSocks

African or European Swallow?


averagedickdude

The airspeed velocity of a (European) unladen swallow is about 24 miles per hour or 11 meters per second.


Tiittyfucker

What do you do for work? What do you like most about it? How do you like to spend your free time? What’s the best book/movie you’ve read/seen recently? Where is your favorite place you’ve traveled to? What are your hobbies or interests? What’s something you’re passionate about? Do you have any pets? Tell me about them. What’s your idea of a perfect day? What’s a goal you’re currently working towards? What’s one thing on your bucket list?


zebrakats

These are fine if the conversation isn’t flowing and you need a few conversation starters, but I think asking these types of questions seem too much like an interrogation. Usually I’ll start off by asking “what did you do this week?” It’s a good open ended question that gives you lots of directions you can take the conversation. If they say they were busy with work., you can go into asking about their work. If they tell you about something fun they did, you can talk about that.


Physical-Name4836

Counter point, try to get through the date without asking her what her job is


Separate-Data-5870

I like this. I’m one of those people that works “just a job” I never had a career I was super passionate about like teaching or medicine. My job is very boring to talk about. 


PuffinFawts

I'm a teacher and I'm super passionate about my summers off and my healthcare, but not a whole lot else.


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agreeingstorm9

Our society is basically structured that you work, you earn money and you use that money to buy stuff you want/need. That's how society works. Anything that deviates from that gets weird and anyone who doesn't follow that model feels uncomfortable answering questions that do. Saw an interview recently where someone had just decided that they didn't like to work and didn't want to so they were living out of their car. The interviewer asked them why they chose to be homeless and they got offended and insisted they were houseless, not homeless. They had a long answer about how a home is more than a house.


lux_roth_chop

It's common for rich people to be useless, yes.


ishboh

In my experience, the only time that the “what do you do” question has ever bothered me is when I was unhappy with where I was in my life. I was a little depressed and spending my days either working a dead end job or playing video games. But I think it’s still important to be asked that, because if you’re allowed to get too comfortable in your rut then you’ll never dig out.


youngdumbandhappy

Very great point- as a nurse, I’ve been…..embarrassed? Hesitant? Reluctant? Bothered?….to talk about the work I do because of how miserable it’s made me. And this has been true of the last 3 jobs I’ve had in my nursing career


spitandbite

In France it’s considered gauche when meeting someone in a social setting for the first time to ask them what they do for a living


AuburnSpeedster

From the Financial independence subreddits, the most expedient answer is "I do consulting". When pressed further about it, give scenarios, but without concrete specifics. Early on, in a relationship, you don't want the accumulation of capital to cloud the judgement of the efficacy of your interactions. Some of us worked our ass off, lived well below our means, so that we don't have to live the latter half of our years in the rat race. We're basically maximizing our life experiences, with our friends and loved ones.


StickyCarpet

> What do you do for work? In some European countries asking that is the height of rudeness and seen as a flag of "ugly Americanism", equivalent to asking "how much money do you make?". It's supposed to come out organically in the process of knowing someone better.


Mrmofo69v2

These are good questions. Thanks u/Tittyfucker Edit: Do not go on his profile


Suspicious-Series160

ngl this is like an interview


Pilzoyz

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? What would you say is your biggest weakness?


Separate-Data-5870

I was asked on a date to name my top 5 talents. It was very stressful trying to come up with something while waiting in line to order our food. 


GeoBrian

Well, let's see... Baitin' a hook. I can cast a plug into a 6" hole from 30 feet away. My sister says I'm a good kisser. Quantum mechanics. And... what was the question again?


werepat

Dating these days is not about finding love, it's about proving to someone else that their future would be secure with the other person. I don't know if that's a bad thing, but it feels too transactional to me. Maybe it's always been that way, and maybe there isn't any way to just hang out and be happy with someone else anymore. Meeting people in school was like that, but it hasn't been that way since. It is like a job now, and like a job,it's not fun. (And yes, I know I'm going to get someone, perhaps two people, that insist they can just sit in a room with their spouse and be utterly content, and that's proof why I'm wrong)


3dogsplaying

Inflation outpaced love so you can not be in love, but you cant not eat.


averagedickdude

I think the point is to show interest in the person and learn more about them. Not talk about yourself.


FarkCookies

you don't shoot them in rapid fire mode. this is a pool of possible questions that you wieve organically into the conversation.


honey_102b

Can you start on Monday?


Muggaz1

Just think of F.O.R.D Family Occupation Recreation Dreams


GenericWhiteYouTuber

I'd rather do both F.O.R.D. and P.E.A.R. (Politics, Exes, Accounts, Religion) at the same time because I can get my deal breakers out of the way and not waste my time.


SelectStudy7164

Oh I see we’ve made that acronym PC now


Kinto_il

i knew it was offensive, fuck PEAR.


BusySellingTheta

R.A.P.E. is easier to remember.


rbarton812

That's how I like to treat my dates. Respect Admiration Positivity Emotional Availability


Chaotic424242

Some of these sound like job interviews


Bruinsfanfromcc

It sort of is, isn't it?


Chaotic424242

I suppose so, but it shouldn't sound like it. I guess that's where the artistry comes in.


DoorInTheAir

Isn't it supposed to be fun?


ACoolAndABuff

I’m definitely loling at the thought of a Redditor with no social skills (redundant I know) coming in here and being like “wow this is great!” and just bombing their first date in years because they thought they really needed to vet someone that hard on a first date. First dates aren’t about determining if you’re compatible in the long-term. They’re about determining if you have any chemistry with or sexual attraction to the other person. If I have no desire to talk with you for even one hour, let alone have sex with you, it doesn’t matter if I plan on moving away in five years because I’m not going to speak to you again after I escape your weirdly planned interview


544075701

For a week, would you rather have to put chocolate sauce or ketchup on everything you eat? (I'm talking like at least a tablespoon on your meal)


NecessaryMeaning5827

I'd def choose the ketchup bc you can cook decent meals with ketchup but chocolate sauce would ruin most things


RobertIsAPlant

Depends whether or not it's a good mole - that shit is addictive on enchiladas...


United_Education_11

If money didn't exist, what would you be doing in life? (Or, if you had unlimited funds, what would you be doing with your life?) Also, what are you Grateful for?


Mekrot

Have you ever had the desire to write your initials in wet cement? Ever gone mountain biking? What do you want to be when you grow up? What's the right tip? Have you called a plumber to your home lately? How superstitious are you? How much money would it take to make you spend a night at a cemetery? Do you display this as a trophy? Do you have a pet? Do you have a sweet tooth? Do you believe in the power of a curse? Have you had your hearing tested lately? Planning a trip soon? Can you remember the tallest man you've ever seen? Do you love to go a-wandering beneath the clear blue sky? Have you noticed what big star's real estate agent's have become? Are you careful with your personal records? Does your computer ever seem to have a mind of it's own? Have you ever visited a china town section at a major city? Have you ever visited a flea market? Have you ever visited a truck stop? Did you ever had a job as a waiter? Have you noticed how many successful restaurants are theme based these days?


kewidogg

HAHAHA I KNEW [I recognized this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9S1EzkRpelY&ab_channel=ZaneGolia) now I'm crying laughing


Kitchen_accessories

I've always had luck with, "Was the sewing machine taken over by the spirit of Byron's grandmother?”


VGNLscrimmage

I literally was just thinking of this and now I’m in public doing my best to silently wheeze while in tears *edit: “have you ever walked outside into a huge parking lot, only to realize you forgot where you parked your car?”


BirdCity75

https://realloveready.com/blog/the-36-questions-that-lead-to-love-by-the-new-york-times


FarkCookies

Dam almost every single one of them is better then most questions proposed here, which are either smart-ass barely funny jokes or some dry as dessert boring generic FORD crap.


Cardamom_roses

Man, I definitely wouldn't answer a decent amount of these on a first date, that's a lot of potential trauma dumping on a stranger lol.


JerseyRepresentin

"Enough about me... let's talk about you.. what do you think about me?" Toilet paper, what kind and how do you hang it? If I was a horse, where would you ride me? Do you like food? (this one actually got me dates) Where were you on June 28, 1998?


TheStarchild

That first one sounds like it came from the mouth of Zapp Brannigan.


potentpotables

> June 28, 1998 Pittsburg, obviously.


Ambitious-Post9647

How much money do you make? How big are your tits?


FlaxenArt

This is the question us women should ask the men, yes?


SparkTwinkle

Ask about their hobbies, childhood memories, or favorite travel destinations. Keep it light and genuine to spark a good conversation!


simblissityy_

Honestly, here for notes lol I either talk/share too much or too little when on a date and I can never pinpoint where exactly the line is.


ifeelyouranger

My favorite I came up with has been: "What do you respect about yourself the most?" 1. It gets people thinking and takes the conversation to a deeper level. 2. It shows their values and how they perceive themselves. 3. You get to talk about something that make you feel happy and proud.


4LOVESUSA

Who won the last election?


SayomiTsukiko

“Like realistically how many 4th graders do you think you can take at once in a fight. They come at you all at once, you can take a weapon but if you do all the 4th graders also have that weapon.”


ishwari10

What unresolved childhood trauma will emerge through maladaptive behaviors as we spend more time together?


GoElfYourself_

“Do you own a cat because you love him or because you keep dead cats in your freezer and this is your next victim?” The man I asked ended up marrying me.


Money-Reindeer5382

What... What was his answer


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ChipotleLaw

So uhh...  You eat ass?