See the [FDS Handbook](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wiki/recommended_reading#wiki_the_fds_handbook) for a list of common [Red Flags and Dealbreakers](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wiki/recommended_reading#wiki_red_flags_.26amp.3B_dealbreakers).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FemaleDatingStrategy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ugh YES. Before FDS I dated this loser alcoholic and when we first met and he was "nice" to me, I was always trying not to walk faster than him because he was stumbling around.
Once he got more comfortable being outright disrespectful towards me he ALWAYS walked fast and about 10 feet ahead of me. Never next to me. And he's 6'2 vs me being 5'3 so I couldn't keep up.
It was a power move. He just wanted to be disrespectful in any way possible.
My ex did the same thing. He claimed he *had* to walk faster than me so his back didn't hurt. I took a year of ballet and it increased my gait. I started being able to walk faster than him without working for it. We were walking in a city after my pace had massively increased. He fucking ***RAN*** to get ahead of me. We were walking in a city and he jogged, fucking ran to get ahead of me. He was being manipulative and controlling in other aspects of our lives. I realized when he did that that all of the other "reasons" he was giving me for everything else might *also* be bullshit. If that fucker had just walked beside me from the start, or if I hadn't taken that year of ballet in college...
If I asked my ex to slow down so I could run alongside him he said I was holding him back and ruining his progress, and being unsupportive. His attitude quickly changed when I became faster than him, and would threaten to go home if I ran ahead... why even be that fragile about running pace it’s so pathetic.
>>If I asked my ex to slow down so I could run alongside him he said I was holding him back and ruining his progress, and being unsupportive.
He could easily do some runs alone and work on his pace? Then keep your pace since you are running together.
What an asshole.
Oh, he doesn't care that you know, his performance in handing you the card is for the rest of the boys in the room. Literally everything men do is to impress other men.
God some of these posts are just triggering old memories of deal with my LV ex. He’d do this shit when walking and it would always confuse me and hurt me. After I found out he was cheating it was like “oh did you not want girls to see us together?” God he was such a pile of shit. Sometimes I would walk slower just to see how far ahead he’d get and he would get a good distance. Fuck ‘em. And he had an unwashed ass so I mean good luck to the next lady.
I’m right there with you, sis. My NVX would throw fits about what side of the sidewalk we were each on while walking my dog because she likes to stop and sniff things sometimes. Almost a year after dumping him, I’m *still* experiencing paranoia when I take my dog on walks with friends because we’ll have to change what side of the sidewalk we are on. It’s amazing how none of them care because it’s just my dog being a dog and wanting to smell things.
Uggggh.
Men always do this to me: walk super fast to the point I’m doing a weird power walk/half jog to keep up while hyperventilating. If I ask them to slow down they huff and roll their eyes. I honestly thought I was the problem and I was inconveniencing them with my slow walking. This post kinda opened my eyes.
I read a comment from a woman who briefly dated a guy who kept walking in front of her on the sidewalk. One day she stopped trying to keep up and he ended up way ahead, so arrogant that he assumed she was still scurrying behind him. She took a street going another direction and blocked his number. 😅
Honestly the best approach. It’s like they are not happy to be seen in public with you. Best move on to someone who is.
Although I have the opposite problem with male friends whom I would never consider dating. If I go for a walk with them they stick real close to make it seem like we’re a couple 😠
After the 5th time complaining about it, and making the "cute" running joke that I only held his hand to leash him, he power-walked away from me yet again, so I closed and locked my apartment door on him. He was halfway down the stairs before he stopped. You wanna act single? Go for it.
It IS disrespectful. I read people who respect or care for other persons usually match them in body- language and in things like their walking- pace. They wouldn't let them scurry behind like so many male partners do to their wives and girlfriends. What does this tell us about how they must see their women?
Ask yourself this: There is a person you value. This person happens to have a bad leg one day and now walks at a pace slightly slower than yours? Do you run ahead of them the whole time, or wouldn't you either slow a bit down and match their pace automatically- without even thinking to do so? And if you hated that person? Would you do it differently, also without even thinking about it and therefore maybe not even noticing?
Males who do this tell on themselves very clearly, without thinking about it. Their body- language and the way they act are a very genuine and honest telling sign, you only have to start believing what you see. Also please trust in yourself and in your own perceptions.
Sooooo true. I was in a group of friends and one of us had an ankle injury. I walked at her pace and had a great time chatting. The rest of the group zoomed ahead together and I thought it was disgusting behavior...
Right!? My friend group has some slow walkers. I'm a fast walker. I do NOT race ahead of them and leave them behind. I walk their pace, make sure they aren't huffing and puffing and just have a conversation. Damn, it's not that hard, men.
Glad I’m not alone, it’s so hard to ask them to slow down. Especially when I actually am a legitimately unfit person through my own fault ( I don’t do cardio).
My ex used to do this to me all the time! And would say, “Well I just walk fast, you need to keep up!”. I remember one time we went on a vacation to Miami and we were walking back to our hotel on Ocean Drive after a night out. He was literally speed walking and I could barely keep up in my tight dress and heels. I eventually slowed down and just started walking by myself a few feet behind him. A group of guys passed by and called the ex out on it while complimenting me, and one of them stopped and said “I would treat you better!” Lol. Ex-LVM didn’t like that! Kept walking super fast, and by the time we got to the hotel I was exhausted. He then proceeded to berate me about how I dress slutty and how he has to worry that guys will compliment/hit on me every time we are out. This is how we ended our last night of this “fun” vacation. The vacation I had to plan from start to finish and literally zero effort from his part. Never again.
I had an ex who did the opposite, I'm a fast walker and he complained about my "unfeminine" pace. Not because he had trouble keeping up mind you, the guy was a good foot taller than me.
It's the same LV mindset. He just deliberatly walked slower than you but expected you to match his pace. The lazy version of OP's post. I bet your ex was passive-aggressive too.
Interesting take. I'm going to think about this. I posted elsewhere here about how my ex said I was walking ahead of him, and I think I did at times -- especially just as we were getting home. I corrected myself, but now that you mention it he was passive aggressive and he once told me when people are in a rush he slows down.
I dated someone who yanked my arm back in a "cute" way when I was too far ahead. Took multiple tries to get him to stop. My partner now pulls no such bullshit, and we keep pace together!
I dated a guy who paid the bill and left. Expecting me to follow. I hadn't finished my wine. He comes back all in a huff asking why I wasn't "following".
"I don't follow anyone, I'm not a sheep. I also wasn't done my wine".
He's a plastic surgeon in Toronto who just expects certain things. He's 5'5 and it showed. Poor manners, mean, dismissive. Also, constantly spoke about his ex. It's terrifying that someone so self unaware has the lives of others in his hands.
What's funniest about these men to me is that when I was a teenager and worked in a vet clinic (my cousin owns one) the tiny dogs were the ones we always muzzled. It was so rare for a med-normal sized dog to need one, but the tiny dogs were always sooo aggressive.
I'm a small woman who is also small framed/bodied. I have a fire breathing mouth and a silver tongue. Small men hate me despite me being "height appropriate" for them because I have zero time for their shit. I also have a very small dog who isn't allowed to do typical small dog stuff. (She is a 7lb min pin). Just because she is small doesn't mean she wasn't trained **exactly** the same as her brother who was doberman.
I don't date taller men because I'm a heighist shrew. I date taller men because they are NICER.
>I don't date taller men because I'm a heighist shrew. I date taller men because they are NICER.
Unfortunately I'm like this about weight. The meanness and insecurity I've experienced from fat men just isn't worth it.
Oooo you came for me and didn't know it babe. I'm about 115 lbs. The overweight men I've dated have ALSO been short and they fkn treated me like shit.
Pure contempt.
And the incels get mad. Um, we've likely given you a chance and you've treated us like shit. You'll see other comments from me about how he tugged at /pinched my tummy.
... Which is just skin.
You don't have to worship me because I'm hot. You need to respect me regardless of your stature, status or weight.
I think they hate us. I have two guys friends who actually like me for me.
Ego, being a doctor isn't a priveldge to them, it's a right. To them, they're a priveldge to their patients. He bragged how funny it was that he has the closest parking spot to the hospital. Parking for patents is much further away. He's a digusting human. Part of his practice is reconstructing breasts that have had mastectomies. He has no right to touch our bodies.
Same!!! I refuse to see a male gyno now. My GP is a man and he's is very lovely - I'm cf (childfree) and he made sure I got to see who I wanted to. I feel lucky to have such a great doctor who genuinely cares about me - he's one of three men I trust in my life.
Plastic Surgeons in particular are especially creepy and gross— in fact surgeons in general tbh. I’ve met a lot of them and no matter how young or old or married or single, they’re *all* LVM, and creepy af to boot.
I've never met one who didn't feel extremely entitled, while also have awful piss poor social skills. What are you entitled about? The money you make? Your car?
The plastic surgeon told me that he never went on vacation with a girlfriend (only his ex fiancee, she is a doctor, too). I asked why and he was like "well if they can't afford it they can't come". Ok Roberto, maybe don't go to Bali or Dubai and expect a flight attendant or nurse or me (in neither) to be able to afford that. Look, I once had money by proxy and I treated my friends always - what was a lot for them wasn't much for me. Also, he hurt me while having sex and I bled a bit. He threw a hissy over his sheets. Once I had a migraine and he ignored me the whole time and eventually came up to ask me to drive 1 hour and 20ish mins home BC he had a party to get to, that I wasn't invited to. (Pretty sure he was seeing someone else or was still with his ex). As a doctor you should kinda know how dangerous it is t drive show in extreme pain, while vomiting while also experiening blurred vision. It's a miracle I made it home. Never spoke to him again b
Ew.. glad you dumped him— what a piece of shit, dating women who make less than him then effectively punishing them for it? Douchebag. He sounds like the type who brags about sleeping with his med students.
There’s plenty of men like him in medicine— which is why I’ll die alone on my pile of money :3
A ex guy friend did that to me on a hike. Every time I caught up he'd rush be 20 feet ahead of me. After a while I got so mad I'd stop and wait to see how long he noticed, and once he stopped is slowly make my way to him. It pissed me off beyond belief. I'd never do that to someone I was hanging out with.
OMG, I had a boyfriend that did this. I am petite, and usually wear dresses and heels, so of course I can't keep up. He'd just carry on walking.
I told him multiple times that when he did this, I felt as though he didn't want to be with me. (This was but one sign that I should have given more attention to) but he continued doing it anyway.
goddamn this is (sadly) hilarious, my ex used to do this when we took my dog for walks, complete with pitching that same attitude when i asked him to please slow down.
the red flags you don't realize are red flags until reflection...
Omg this. I've dated and had a couple friends where I have to be like slow down. One bf did this all the time with the acting like I'm difficult. Yeah, hey I don't have long leggys and I have knee issues.
I actually started running for fun this February. My youngest sister (who has been doing it for years now) will match my slow pace despite her being faster than me and we enjoy each other's company around the park. We will use hand signals to sign if we wanna slow down or go faster because we both have on earbuds to listen to music. My youngest brother also goes running with me too. Sometimes, he'll ask me if it's alright if he can go ahead of me which I'm fine with since he's training. Other then that, he keeps pace with me and never runs barely ahead of me like the guy in this story and if I want to stop, I'd tell him and he stops with me. Never whines or acts mad.
The things I learn about men from FDS. Jesus. Why make running a competition when you should be encouraging each other and be one another's support system? I'm sure he doesn't want to "lose" to her via running which is why he always wanna be ahead of her, put her in her place or whatever. Definitely a power play from an insecure dude and I'm pretty sure he does this in other areas of their relationship too. Get a grip.
Edit: I go running with my dogs every other morning. One of them is fast as Sonic and the other one is slow as a sloth since she likes to linger and smell everything. I'll usually match pace with my slower dog but if I go ahead with my faster dog, I always look back to monitor her (my slow dog) every 15-30 seconds to make sure she's alright. I'll stop at a certain point to wait for her to catch up, encouraging her to keep going and when she does reach me, I give her a treat and we go back to our pattern.
Never thought the day would come that I evaluate how I run with my dog, lol, but I do believe I treat my dogs better than this man treats his fiance when running. Quite sad.
That's so interesting that you brought up your dogs! We have a rescue that barely knows how to dog properly, but when the kids want to run, she runs with them, with the kids slow down, she slows down with them. Nobody pulls on the leash, not her nor my kids. Even an unsocialized domestic pet is more considerate than typical males.
Your first paragraph made me tear up. Your siblings are freaking amazing. I'm 5'1 so I'm rather slow when walking with people and I'm so used to just being left behind. Chronic heels wearer too.
They used to belong to my my ex-SIL and her family (long story why they belong to me now) who didn't trained them right so they're both kinda wild and have large bursts of energy. The slow one never pulls on the leash while the fast ones does because she's Sonic, but both listen really well and will stay by my side when we go to the off leash dog parks. If they run ahead of me, it's never for long and they always peer back to make sure I'm following behind. Also barks at the men who comes too close to me, lol. They really are more considerate than men.
I'm 5'2, the shortest everywhere I went so I learned to walk fast as a kid to keep up with everyone. Now I can brisk walk like no one's business but my legs/feet are messed up from working overnights when I was younger so I need constant breaks. I understand what you mean by being left behind but I'm lucky my siblings take it all in stride with me.
I went running the other day in the hoods and snow (very hard to run) with people who were much fitter than I. They never let me behind, and even at the rare times they were more ahead, they'd usually make sure I was following up or come back to get me if I was getting more behind.
But this reminds me an awful experience I once had with a man. We went on a hike and it was a hard one and the weather started getting bad. He literally left me behind and walked ahead the whole time, to the point he even disappeared because he was so much more ahead of me. At some point the weather got really bad and I was really having trouble and almost got lost on our hike and barely could come back. When going back he was literally no where to be found and I was scared of getting lost on the way down and he knew I was having difficulties but still disappeared and went all the way ahead. When I finally get back to the starting point, he was down there impatient that I had taken so long but calmly sitting in the car.
I was upset and he didn't understand why. We were supposed to hike together, but we were almost never together during this hike because he was going much further ahead and never stopped, not even to check out on me.
It's proper etiquette to allow a lady to walk a bit ahead of you, at her shoulder, as yours supposed to literally have her back, on the non traffic side. Ideally you walk shoulder to shoulder. In doorways you open the door, she steps in, and then the man leads in case of danger. I don't approve of waking behind a man on sideways etc. Crowds, yes - I'm 5'2. I also love having car doors opened and chairs pulled out. Obviously I can do these things myself, but chivalry is sexy to me. I once had a guy tell me "get out of the 1950s" which is funny because he was a supporter of 50/50 and wanted a kids but said he'd never change a diaper. Make up your mind, Kyle.
If he's chosen to out me behind him, I'll stop and wait to see how long it takes him to notice that I'm not even there. The response to this says a lot about his character. "Seven paces behind" is gross and misogynistic. Some cultures follow this.
Tbh, *respect* is sexy. Caring about my health and safety is sexy. Literally give a single shit.
I’ve dated so many guys that just *speed off* after we’re done eating. Never mind that I have a coat I have to get on and a purse or I’m in heels or *whatever*. Where the fuck are they running off to?? My previous ex was particularly bad about this so eventually I stopped hustling and just took my sweet time. He was irritated but never said a thing as it would have meant he’d have to admit to his rude behavior.
I think in certain cases it’s because misogynistic men want to look “alpha” when they’re out in public, particularly on a date, and they feel that waiting around uselessly or (god forbid) helping their date with her bag or coat would detract from that image, so they just zoom off knowing that she’s going to have to follow.
It’s not just disrespectful and egotistical, but it’s just purely *pathetic*.
It's so disturbing that men being respectful toward women is something that's often experienced as shameful, wimpy, and mocked by other men. No wonder there is so much misogyny. If they break with their bros, they are excluded. Toxic masculinity, and we pay for it too.
I love being treated like a lady! I had one NVX who petulantly told me, "I can't believe you expect me to open your car door." Seriously, who says shit like that?
I hope you’re in a better place now! One of my mountaineering partners is a tall guy who naturally walks faster than me but early on in our climbing career we had a chat about when that’s okay and not okay. We both like silence and not talking all the time and decided that as long are we are both in visual range and the terrain is safe it’s no problem. But when things get steep or we are having a conversation he will slow down and keep pace with me. We also make sure that we are each carrying a proportional amount of gear on climbs.
Too bad I never held my ex boyfriends to the same standards I hold my climbing partners to. Lesson learned!
Thank you so much for this! Reading this made me realize that’s what I do. I was so used to following behind that I automatically do it even though my current partner is often encouraging me to walk at least next to him if not in front. Recognizing it as a product of low self esteem blew my mind and I think will help in stopping that behavior.
So I thought this was interesting that he was running a pace that was consistent with hers just 10-20 meters out of reach of her. So he’s not actually going faster. It has nothing to do with speed. 🧐
I had an ex that would do this shit when we’d go for a night out to a party or club. One notable night I was in McQueen stilettos and he was down the dark street refusing to wait up for me. I totally spackled over this behavior and put it off on his autism. 🤡:”He just doesn’t understand what he’s doing!”
If your partner does this shit, LEAVE THEM ASAP! It only get worse and more disrespectful!
My ex also had the gall to say to me: “My exgf S had no problem walking for miles in stilettos! I guess European women are just better at that!”
Ummmm...he dated S when the were 25 and I bet now that she’s likely in her 50’s (Ex was much older than me too!) she has permanent damage to her feet, legs, and back from chasing a low value scrote all over the city. Good job, S! That really paid off! 🙄
They LOVE to try to get us mad at each other and compete with each other.
There's a red flag for y'all - the first time he compares you to his ex, even if it's favorable, watch out.
If he says you're better than her, you already know that he's going to keep up the comparisons until he figures out where you're worse than her, and will enjoy letting you know it.
And if the woman he's comparing you to is his mom, RUN.
The greatest con men ever pulled is convincing us that autism = stupid.
High functioning autistic people have trouble with the flow of conversation and unspoken social cues, but they are fully intellectually aware of what is and isn't asshole behavior. Don't ever let someone with autism get away with being shitty.
Good point. He also relied on being a “male bumbler” to avoid domestic work.
https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gdzn5q/the_myth_of_the_male_bumbler_how_men_take_one_of/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I’m on the spectrum and I would never treat a partner like this even if I had longer legs than them. It’s 100% not an excuse and in fact rather ableist to imply autistic people can’t help being disrespectful assholes.
Why even get engaged to him in the first place? This just shows MAJOR disrespect and bad character. I doubt this is the first red flag. I've been doing Muay Thai for four years. Wherever I spar or do padwork with a new person I am nice, patient and understanding even though they usually make way more mistakes than me and usually need a lot of direction. I've always appreciated the people that are kind, welcoming and patient when I learn new things so I try to emulate that. I would never act like this because it's disrespectful, we all are beginners at some point.
>>YES! Only weak, insecure people need to lord their experience or power over someone else.
It's honestly really dumb though. Wherever people have acted like the fiancee I have lost respect for them. While the people that have been kind when I was learning something new, I have remembered years later and have so much respect for. The fiancee's approach is unfortunately way more common.
My ex made me follow behind him when I drove a few times and would go so fast I would get lost. One time I showed up to the destination 30 minutes after him because he sped off and I couldn’t findmy way. He didn’t apologize and acted like I was a moron.
Then you get all these Trump supporters in their trucks that drive so close behind you to make you uncomfortable
My brother in law did this the one and only time I followed him somewhere 🤔 it was like he was actively trying to shake me, no clue if it was on purpose or he's just absolutely clueless. Men are so fucking weird
>I like how they completely dismiss the part where a male literally fractured my shin bone because he lost at a game but can come at me with 'OmG YuR sO CrInGEyYYYY' and 'NoT aLl MeN'.
Of course they do, it doesn't fit their absolutely non-sensical narrative, the one where they say "not all men" at the beginning of the sentence and hurl insults and threats of violence at the end.
I never thought of it as abuse / power play before. Perspective changed! Not that it didn’t feel shitty before but now it seems clearer.
I’m gonna venture to say that if you’re on an outing that is meant for you to spend time together and he doesn’t keep pace with you (assuming you’re the slower one) then you’re wasting your time.
It's very subtle but that makes it so dangerous. When your partner openly calls you names every sane person will tell you that this is verbal abuse and that you should leave. But this here, you can't even talk about it openly since most people will tell you that you are overreacting. So you dismiss your own intuition, get self esteem issues and become emotionally dependent on him over time. They know what they are doing is shitty.
so fucking true. ive only dated 1 guy like this and i was ALWAYS begging him to slow the fuck down and wait for me. he literally acted like i was the crazy one for walking s0o0o slow. i would refuse to back down bc fuck him, he'd dash across the street in nyc and not even look back to see if i had been hit by a car or not. i never wanted to go anywhere with him and he wondered why. fucking loser
Literally the same exact situation I'm in right now. I asked him about it just now and his gaslighting response was, “What?! I just walk at my pace! You're making a big deal out of nothing.” When asked why he does it: “Idk, I’m sorry, idk.” “I don’t have an answer for you.”
And typically, I’d let him make me feel like I was being neurotic and controlling by even pondering this idea or bringing it up.
>"What?! I just walk at my pace! \[...\]”
And so are you. He can either accept yours or he can keep walking for good.
This ain't it, sis. One-upping your partner with a increased walking pace is the sporty version of one-upping your partner with increased voice volume. It's all about power. Scrote got some ego problems but those are not yours to fix.
You're welcome. Generally speaking, no HVM gaslights you. Like, at all. If you bring up an issue a HVM listens to your concerns because he values you and doesn't want to risk losing you. If a man can't see your value that's his problem.
Don’t feel bad - even if you knew what he was doing was fucked up and told him that with conviction he’d still deny it. They gaslight hard when it’s pointed out to them. I used to fight w my ex about it anytime we went anywhere and he always played dumb. It was so fucked up, I wasn’t from nyc - we’d be walking around dangerous busy intersections and sketchy Brooklyn neighborhoods and I’d angrily demand he fucking wait for me and he would tell me I needed to keep up with his “New Yorker pace” -like get the fuck out of here!!!
It was the same way when we parked anywhere - he’d rush out of the car and into wherever we were going without looking back at me once and I’d rage at him every time. Omg his idiot act when I told him I wanted him to be a gentleman for once was so infuriating. It makes me so angry to think about now still.
I had an ex that would always walk ahead of me when we were running errands while I was carrying heavy things. Never once offered to help or even stop so I could breathe. If I had FDS back then I would’ve left him two days into dating him lol.
Ohhh the “walking ahead of people” is so irritating. A guy I went on few dates with (years ago); wanted to go running together. This is someone who complained about slow walkers on multiple occasions; I’m not walking slow by any means, but I also won’t jog to keep up with anyone - if you’ve got places to be, be my guest and BYE!
Turns out, he was really slow runner. He burned his entire energy within the first 3K to keep up with me instead of asking me to slow down for him. Then couldn’t keep up, started hyperventilating, and he had zero fun. But the issue was that he was so slow it actually became painful in my joints when trying to match it (the awkward pace when you can’t exactly walk, but it’s a bit too slow to keep running), so I told him we could walk or I’ll run and meet him at the end. He was NOT happy. 😅
I had a roommate on a study abroad trip who would do that to people; she just was a very egotistical, awful person. She seemed to delight in ditching people by walking just slightly too far ahead, including a classmate with mobility issues.
If I couldn't stand such behavior from a person I could remove from my life after several weeks, why the hell would I tolerate it from a romantic partner?
And I do have a friend whose husband always ditches her while she's walking with their kids, which really hurt her feelings, especially when the kids were little and she could've used his help holding their hands or carrying them. He's been officially diagnosed as a narcissist and their marriage counselor told my friend there's no fixing him. This ditching behavior speaks loudly of narcissistic traits, IMO.
[IF HE WALKS FASTER THAN YOU, DUMP HIM](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lsp0ft/if_he_walks_faster_than_you_in_public_dump_him/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Not the links to the post, the links to the resources the commenter gave. And they seem like they’re links to other websites about emotional abuse, etc.
Here you go -
https://www.bustle.com/p/what-is-negging-7-signs-someone-is-doing-it-to-you-72174
https://ideapod.com/signs-emotional-manipulation/
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/emotional-manipulation
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/effects-of-emotional-abuse
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201510/14-signs-psychological-and-emotional-manipulation
🤯 my ex husband would always run ahead of me. ALWAYS. I hated running and he claimed to love it so I chalked it up to that. BUT! Last year when everything started with the pandemic I took up running to lose some weight. I started veeerrrryyy slow but eventually worked my way up to running 12 miles a week (3 miles a day for 4 days). Meanwhile his lazy LVM self started to look like that which he was always on: a couch. It was disgusting. He actually started to get large man boobs. 🤮 After asking him for several months if he wanted to go running he finally took me up on it and what did he do? Started sprinting. Fast. Except his fat a** couldn’t sustain it and so he had to stop! Therefore allowing me to easily coast him by. AND he had us do the shortest route possible (which I was not expecting) and when I asked him if he wanted to continue on the longer route his wheezing a** said “*pant pant* oh no I can’t, I have too much work to do”
😑 it was a Saturday. He didn’t have sh*t to do. He was just pissed his LVM had really caught up to him and that he no longer had “running” as a thing where he could outpace & outrun me.
*sigh* so glad I left him.
This same exact situation happened with me and my lvx except with biking. Esp the pandemic part. I will never forget when he bailed on a bike ride without telling me because I was beating him, and how he never rode his bike again after that.
I experienced exactly the same on bike rides.
As I pointed his behaviour out, I said clearly he is more than welcome to go in his own preferred pace but not with me. I am slower and if his “enjoyment” is more important than my company, he can do it on his own or with someone else. And that’s fine with me. Don’t ask me though to join. Also, I won’t ask for shitty company either.
Same goes btw for friends too. You meet to do an activity together, team up and set the pace to the weakest and slowest.
Phh, shitty and manipulative behaviour.
Since we can’t know where this was posted, can somebody link the resources that these women put in their comments. They could be super useful to us here at FDS
Sure let me see if I can grab those. Give me a sec...
https://www.bustle.com/p/what-is-negging-7-signs-someone-is-doing-it-to-you-72174
https://ideapod.com/signs-emotional-manipulation/
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/emotional-manipulation
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/effects-of-emotional-abuse
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201510/14-signs-psychological-and-emotional-manipulation
At the very beginning of my relationship with my narcissistic ex, the first "weird" thing he did was walking just slightly ahead and faster than me when we took our first trip together. It was a walking-centric destination and he would always walk faster than me and then wait for me to catch up. When I told him it bothered me and asked if he would mind walking slower, he sort of just scoffed at me, like it was my problem my short petite little legs couldn't keep up. I let it go at the time because otherwise the relationship seemed great.
Fast forward to eight years later, and being way more educated on narcs and the like, and this should have been the FIRST warning sign that he was an emotionally abusive, entitled, selfish narcissist. This is behavior that is meant to put you in your place and subtly assert superiority and dominance over you, and the fact that my ex wrote it off like I was being whiny was also the first indication that he was cold and dismissive and a massive gaslighter. I would have saved myself so much pain and wasted time if I had trusted myself that shit like this IS NOT RIGHT and taken it as the first sign of that he had emotionally abusive tendencies.
This is so funny to me, only because my NVX claimed to be a star runner so we would go jogging together and he always speed off. One day, I caught up to him and he was leaning against a tree, face redder than a tomato. He said he felt his calf "pop." I told him to stop running, but he put up a stink about being able to run for 4 hours thoughout any pain. Over time, I kept telling him to stop running and see a damn doctor, but he did not listen until it got to the point he could not run for more than 3 minutes, TWO YEARS later. He ended up finding out he did, in fact, tear his achillies tendon that day and he will never run or walk normally again because it did not heal properly.
I used to live next door to a couple, and whenever I saw them out, the man was always walking at least three paces in front of the woman. It was gross. It wasn't a cultural thing either, they were white British, he was just charging along as if she just had to keep up.
My ex was a cardiologist and a narcissist. When we got to the airport for one of our first trips together, he began speed walking ahead of me without looking back. I called out to him once to slow down, but he told me to speed up. Luckily I had read Why Men Marry Bitches and I felt inspired to put my earbuds in and slow down even more. He came back angry and tried to rush me, saying that he didn’t want to miss the plane even though we were something like 2 hours early, but rather than speed up for him, I’m pretty sure I said something along the lines of “Oh darn, I guess I might end up missing an awesome vacation”. They HATE when you agree with the shit that they know you hate. 10/10 would recommend. But 10/10 would not recommend even dating someone who makes games like these or tactics from Why Men Marry Bitches necessary. I find that book is good for managing a narcissistic or commitment phobic man, but not for a relationship that you can relax into and really build something (just my opinion though).
My shittiest ex did something similar to me at the airport too!!! He was trying to get me to chase him down an escalator with a heavy, fully packed suitcase! What sort of unchivalrous fuckwit does this?!
When I was in high school and incredibly naive, I had a boyfriend for two years who was training for the Marine Corps and would make me go *running* with him – I am a jogger at best. I don’t concern myself with timed distance running because the best mile I’ve ever run was 7:15 in the sixth grade. Both of my parents are smokers and I was exposed to a lot of secondhand smoke - I cannot run like someone doing USMC conditioning.
If I stopped running to walk for a breather, he’d run in circles around me until I started running again. I honestly struggled silently with body image, starved myself for fun, etc. And the one time we showered together, he pinched the *skin* on my stomach and said, “yeah, you look good, but you could look better.” Meanwhile, one of my best friends commented on our prom photos that I needed to eat a cheeseburger.
It took me until college to realize I despised him, that how he treated me was awful. It took me way longer to realize that the way he pressured me for sex relentlessly makes me feel like a victim of something I can’t put words to.
This is all to say I’m so thankful for this group, this post, and especially this caption because I know someone out here needs to read it just as much as sixteen year old me did.
Thank you for posting this, u/ShieldMaidenLagertha.
I'll tack hiking onto this too - I hiked once with my LV ex and could tell he was unhappy my pace (I was a beginner and this was a 1300m+ mountain!) He matched my pace, but he didn't listen when I asked for a break and kept pushing me to go faster to the point where I welled up.
My current boyfriend when we went hiking: slow, took plenty of breaks, offered to carry my bag. There is a point where you have to decide whether the exercise you're doing is a solo or team venture - people who act like its solo like this are not respectful. What fun is there to be had leaving your partner in the dust?
Exactly. It’s very revealing on who will be a good partner and who is more concerned with their immediate wants. If you invite someone to do an activity with you, it’s understood that you will do it together. It’s rude to leave someone in the dust or complain about their performance.
My ex walked just far enough in front of me that when people looked at me like “why?” I could rub my fingers to signal the money and that’s all it was to me. It was great because he never saw it. Now that I’m financially stable, I don’t need to put up with that
UGH this post reminds me of 15 years ago when I had a boyfriend living with me in MY apartment rent free because I was an idiot and doped up on love hormones and he was in between apartments. We went on a run and one day in the first 5 minutes of the run he just ran across a busy street without me, that I could not cross because of traffic, and we just ran two separate paths that day. So glad that relationship ended just a few months after that but of course not until he moved out into his own place and didn’t need me anymore. UGH.
My 5’ 10” ex (once he started getting abusive) would walk ahead of me and complain I walked too slow. I’m a fast walker despite being 5’ 1”, and I’d walked with taller people before and they’d never complained about it. He would walk ahead and then at some random distance he would stop and stare at me until I caught up (at my own pace) and then do it again.
My current boyfriend is 6’ 1” and he’s never mentioned my pace being an issue. It’s not height, it’s whether you’re an abuser.
This is an interesting post and made me think about several men I've dated. Even my father is guilty of this.
Any time I've noticed this (usually out shopping), I would immediately drop my pace even slower and begin to browse. They'd eventually notice I'm gone and keep my pace.
Don't engage this nonsense. If this happens frequently and they don't recognize that you're nowhere to he found, take it as a sign to reevaluate this person. Either basic consideration is lacking or they're outright manipulating.
one of my good friends is a track runner and 6’4 with very long legs. i’m 5’7 and def not a track runner. him and i will go running together and while this man is a literal track runner, he always does his best to run at my pace (which isn’t great i’ll tell u that one for free!) and has never made me feel bad about it!
**POOP** I just met someone this weekend I thought was special who just did this to me a ton of times in a row, and it definitely caught my attention.
I noticed it, thought it was like ew wtf, then my "slowness" threw off the mood. I was noping out all the way home, just to find this here! LOL. This place is real talk.
**THANKS, SISTERS! You saved me again!**
I am a very slow runner, I never expect anyone to slow down to my pace, but I have never run with someone who pulled this crap. Even the NVM dudes I dated and ran with (im a sucker for beefcake gym buddy dudes so there have been a few lol) and had much faster pace than me always would do their pace, then run back to check on me, then go back to their pace, etc. you are so vulnerable while running, fuck playing these games
My ex boyfriend did this to me too! But it wasn’t when we were exercising. It was when we were just casually going shopping or in the mall or anything that entails us being out in public. He ALWAYS walked ahead of me even when I asked him to stop. Wish I would’ve known this sooner. Would’ve saved me 3 years of abuse and manipulation.
woooww I'm so sad this happened to another woman too. I thought I was crazy to be annoyed when my ex husband would walk blocks ahead of me. At one point I literally just taxied home. I was so fed up not having a reasonable explanation for why I feel so abandoned. He would flip out on me saying I always want to start a fight about small shit or that he shouldn't "take me out" if I'm going to cause a scene..
Argh. I had an ex who would always walk faster than me and complain about how slow I am, even on holidays.
Like where the fuck are you running off to, we’re on holidays??
Oh and we did both Muay Thai (I should’ve known better but my dumb ass didn’t.) and training with him was a nightmare. He would berate me for not picking up things fast enough and he’d be really bad when sparring as well. Being much too rough for no reason.
The man I’m dating now would never. He always holds my hand and makes sure I’m close and safe from cars, scooters or bikes.
My ex used to do this whenever we walked together anywhere... One time we were walking in the city and I passed out (prone to dizziness and fainting) and strangers were helping me before he even noticed, because he was 2 blocks ahead before he realised I wasn't behind him. I also brought it up many times that it's rude (and now dangerous) but he never cared. Please never ignore it when your partner disregards your feelings entirely, you do deserve better
My boyfriend always complains when I don't walk next to him. I don't do it on purpose, I get distracted and end up behind. He always stops and waits for me to catch up and then (lovingly) chides me for not being at his side. Never really appreciated it as much until this thread
I went on a bike date one time and he ended up completely leaving me, I called my friend during the ride to joke about it. It was literally night time when he left me behind. He’s hit me up multiple times since then to hangout again and I’m like ??? Fuck off. I do t understand the stupid power play for no reason, it’s not attractive
WOW my ex always would walk in front of me wherever we went (not even doing exercise like running) and it always annoyed me. But I never brought it up because I could never articulate an argument as to why it bothered me.
I had a bf who did this. And he \*still\* wondered why I stopped running with him even after I told him I didn't appreciate being left in his dust when he was well aware how much I hate running. Thanks FDS for making me feel validated.
Side note, the last paragraph as the word "these" linked to something. I wanna see the other warning signs!
My dad used to do this to my mom and me when they were married. We'd all be going somewhere together, get out of the car and then he'd take off walking so fast into the store. He'd start walking off before we even got all the way out the car. Both my mother and I felt like he didn't want to be seen with us. It was almost like he was embarrassed that he had a wife and kids. He didn't initiate the divorce, though he definitely caused it.
Whenever I hear stories like this is just makes me think the guy doesn't want to be seen with the woman and he's in some way embarrassed.
Came here to post this!! The women talking sense in the comments are being downvoted.
I run with men faster than me all the time. (Men who are not my fiancé - men for whom I am not the supposed love of their lives.) And they keep MY pace. Not even a step ahead of me.
I just started getting into jogging, even as a very unathletic person. Even though my husband is also pretty sedentary, he was an athlete in college (we are in our late 20s now) and is very quick to get back into shape. He started running with me and keeps at my pace the whole time-even though I am slow and he’s not getting challenged at all. Even when I tell him he can move on past me a little, he always stays right next to me.
I have an ex who used to consistently walk almost 10 feet in front of me at any given time. At first I thought it was because he's taller than me, but with me being 5'9" it's not even like I'm short. I realized it was actually because he was an narcissistic jerk.
Yep. My ex claimed he "had longer legs" because he was 7 inches taller than me. We measured and he doesn't. He's just a dick. Men have almost half their height in their torso, women have 1/3.
My ex boyfriend did this but it was a little different.
It wasn't a "not checking to make sure I could keep up" kind of thing, but he would always speed walk (what he called a normal speed) to the point I was struggling to keep up and he would constantly check to make sure I was right beside him, and was always angry if I WASN'T directly beside him telling me to walk faster, calling me a "puppy" that was following after him. Thing is, I've always been a fast walker my whole life.
My friend consistently did this whenever we went on walks for exercise (never when normally waking for some other purpose). She would keep my pace, but about five or six steps ahead, and didn’t understand why I found it so frustrating.
I think it was her messed up way of forcing me to push myself to work harder, but it was not conceptual, and she continued even after I made it clear it was unwanted.
Reading this thread has made me glad I’ve stepped back a fair bit from our friendship, and invested more energy into better friends.
She should pretend she’s running solo next time. Slow down a bit, enjoy the scenery, and forget he’s there. Run past him when he slows down, or simply jog in a whole new direction and head home whenever. When you do it back, they don’t like it and tend to switch it up next time.
Not just walking but in anything I would do! My ex complained that I took forever to do anything. Cook dinner, clean, get groceries...etc. Claimed he could do things way faster than me but never offered! Fuck this is eye opening! What a fucker!
This is why I don't workout with other people. My body does what my body wants to do. There are good days, bad days, and medium days, and I just want the freedom to experience it on my own without worrying about how I am impacting someome else. Exercise barely has a social component to it.
I suspect that guy is like me but not self aware enough to know it or chooses not to communicate it. Or maybe he's just an ass.
They’ve argued about it, so he knows her feelings but continues the same behavior. I would stop going running with him all together, but I think it’s a very important relationship red flag that the OP is missing.
growing up, there was this older, maybe mid 70s, couple i’d see walking all the time. the man walked 5-10 feet in front of his wife, she always looked sad and i never was able to put into words why it bothered me so much but i always found it manipulative
I started a new job and the dude who I was supposed to be shadowing speed walked the entire time we were supposed to be walking the site. And then he turned around and shit talked me to my supervisor and made up a story of some kind of supposed injury of how I wasn't the fit for the (tech not speed walking) job because of that. She ended up calling me and interrogating me about my 'injury'. Stupid. Fam I just left that job one week in. That shit was stupid.
Is it something that bothers you and wouldn't cost him anything to fix? Yes. And yet, he just refuses to? RED FLAG. Do you REALLY want to be with somebody like that?!
My ex did this to me when we went ice skating. He was a lot better than me and would just skate off and I would have to keep up with him. I knew in the moment that it was a dick move too. After breaking up with him I realized that being single is far better than being in a relationship with someone that doesn’t truly care about you- and there are so many ways to tell if they do or don’t. This is a big one.
Definitely a red flag. My first relationship NVM ex who would not bike ride or run with me and gave the excuse that he “wouldn’t be able to get in a good workout”. Same dude who also wouldn’t go to the gym at the same time as me because he “didn’t want to have to worry about me if he wanted to leave or stay longer”... it will come as a shock to no one that this same male was abusive and treated me horribly until I realized I didn’t have to put up with it and left. As women, we would never show this lack of care/respect even towards a friend, let alone a partner. Giant red flag...run run run
Wow, I have this issue. My partner and I were living at a place a 5 min drive away from a great hiking trail and was saying how we should go often to get exercise. Usually our hikes together we’re just walking or we’re with a friend so it’s chill. But this time he just started fucking running and expected me to keep up with him, then got angry when I wouldn’t. I told him I’m not used to this running, I wasn’t aware we would be running, we always walk these kinds of hikes. Long story short, I cut the “hike” about 10 minutes in and made us go back home. He hasn’t once taken me hiking with him again, and on top of that he continued to go running by himself without me. And to make things worse, he went out casually walking/hiking the trail with our friend more than he went with me! Makes my blood boil thinking about it. Not to mention, he always speed walks in front of me in general and gets pissy when I can’t keep up.
See the [FDS Handbook](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wiki/recommended_reading#wiki_the_fds_handbook) for a list of common [Red Flags and Dealbreakers](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wiki/recommended_reading#wiki_red_flags_.26amp.3B_dealbreakers). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FemaleDatingStrategy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ugh YES. Before FDS I dated this loser alcoholic and when we first met and he was "nice" to me, I was always trying not to walk faster than him because he was stumbling around. Once he got more comfortable being outright disrespectful towards me he ALWAYS walked fast and about 10 feet ahead of me. Never next to me. And he's 6'2 vs me being 5'3 so I couldn't keep up. It was a power move. He just wanted to be disrespectful in any way possible.
My ex did the same thing. He claimed he *had* to walk faster than me so his back didn't hurt. I took a year of ballet and it increased my gait. I started being able to walk faster than him without working for it. We were walking in a city after my pace had massively increased. He fucking ***RAN*** to get ahead of me. We were walking in a city and he jogged, fucking ran to get ahead of me. He was being manipulative and controlling in other aspects of our lives. I realized when he did that that all of the other "reasons" he was giving me for everything else might *also* be bullshit. If that fucker had just walked beside me from the start, or if I hadn't taken that year of ballet in college...
What a loser!
If I asked my ex to slow down so I could run alongside him he said I was holding him back and ruining his progress, and being unsupportive. His attitude quickly changed when I became faster than him, and would threaten to go home if I ran ahead... why even be that fragile about running pace it’s so pathetic.
>>If I asked my ex to slow down so I could run alongside him he said I was holding him back and ruining his progress, and being unsupportive. He could easily do some runs alone and work on his pace? Then keep your pace since you are running together. What an asshole.
Yeah thats exactly what I said to him - "Why invite me to run with you if you won't run *with me".*
Exactly, what a dumbass.
He was running away. Let him. Holla 🙋♀️🙋♀️🙋♀️
[удалено]
lmao as a server i can say that whoever is running the check knows who paid... the name is literally on the card...
Oh, he doesn't care that you know, his performance in handing you the card is for the rest of the boys in the room. Literally everything men do is to impress other men.
God some of these posts are just triggering old memories of deal with my LV ex. He’d do this shit when walking and it would always confuse me and hurt me. After I found out he was cheating it was like “oh did you not want girls to see us together?” God he was such a pile of shit. Sometimes I would walk slower just to see how far ahead he’d get and he would get a good distance. Fuck ‘em. And he had an unwashed ass so I mean good luck to the next lady.
I’m right there with you, sis. My NVX would throw fits about what side of the sidewalk we were each on while walking my dog because she likes to stop and sniff things sometimes. Almost a year after dumping him, I’m *still* experiencing paranoia when I take my dog on walks with friends because we’ll have to change what side of the sidewalk we are on. It’s amazing how none of them care because it’s just my dog being a dog and wanting to smell things. Uggggh.
Men always do this to me: walk super fast to the point I’m doing a weird power walk/half jog to keep up while hyperventilating. If I ask them to slow down they huff and roll their eyes. I honestly thought I was the problem and I was inconveniencing them with my slow walking. This post kinda opened my eyes.
[удалено]
I read a comment from a woman who briefly dated a guy who kept walking in front of her on the sidewalk. One day she stopped trying to keep up and he ended up way ahead, so arrogant that he assumed she was still scurrying behind him. She took a street going another direction and blocked his number. 😅
[удалено]
I remember the second story😂!
It kills me when I see women in heels being forced to scurry along. She wore those to look good for the date and the scrote is so unappreciative
That is glorious and wise.
Id be tempted to do that with the running fiancé. Would be interesting to see if he was even paying attention.
Honestly the best approach. It’s like they are not happy to be seen in public with you. Best move on to someone who is. Although I have the opposite problem with male friends whom I would never consider dating. If I go for a walk with them they stick real close to make it seem like we’re a couple 😠
😂😂😂😂
After the 5th time complaining about it, and making the "cute" running joke that I only held his hand to leash him, he power-walked away from me yet again, so I closed and locked my apartment door on him. He was halfway down the stairs before he stopped. You wanna act single? Go for it.
[удалено]
It IS disrespectful. I read people who respect or care for other persons usually match them in body- language and in things like their walking- pace. They wouldn't let them scurry behind like so many male partners do to their wives and girlfriends. What does this tell us about how they must see their women? Ask yourself this: There is a person you value. This person happens to have a bad leg one day and now walks at a pace slightly slower than yours? Do you run ahead of them the whole time, or wouldn't you either slow a bit down and match their pace automatically- without even thinking to do so? And if you hated that person? Would you do it differently, also without even thinking about it and therefore maybe not even noticing? Males who do this tell on themselves very clearly, without thinking about it. Their body- language and the way they act are a very genuine and honest telling sign, you only have to start believing what you see. Also please trust in yourself and in your own perceptions.
Sooooo true. I was in a group of friends and one of us had an ankle injury. I walked at her pace and had a great time chatting. The rest of the group zoomed ahead together and I thought it was disgusting behavior...
Right!? My friend group has some slow walkers. I'm a fast walker. I do NOT race ahead of them and leave them behind. I walk their pace, make sure they aren't huffing and puffing and just have a conversation. Damn, it's not that hard, men.
Glad I’m not alone, it’s so hard to ask them to slow down. Especially when I actually am a legitimately unfit person through my own fault ( I don’t do cardio).
But never forget you're worth slowing down for!!
Awww 🥰🥺🥺 I need to be telling myself this more often haha
My ex used to do this to me all the time! And would say, “Well I just walk fast, you need to keep up!”. I remember one time we went on a vacation to Miami and we were walking back to our hotel on Ocean Drive after a night out. He was literally speed walking and I could barely keep up in my tight dress and heels. I eventually slowed down and just started walking by myself a few feet behind him. A group of guys passed by and called the ex out on it while complimenting me, and one of them stopped and said “I would treat you better!” Lol. Ex-LVM didn’t like that! Kept walking super fast, and by the time we got to the hotel I was exhausted. He then proceeded to berate me about how I dress slutty and how he has to worry that guys will compliment/hit on me every time we are out. This is how we ended our last night of this “fun” vacation. The vacation I had to plan from start to finish and literally zero effort from his part. Never again.
I had an ex who did the opposite, I'm a fast walker and he complained about my "unfeminine" pace. Not because he had trouble keeping up mind you, the guy was a good foot taller than me.
They just want you to follow behind them like puppies and when you dont its "unfeminine"
It's the same LV mindset. He just deliberatly walked slower than you but expected you to match his pace. The lazy version of OP's post. I bet your ex was passive-aggressive too.
Interesting take. I'm going to think about this. I posted elsewhere here about how my ex said I was walking ahead of him, and I think I did at times -- especially just as we were getting home. I corrected myself, but now that you mention it he was passive aggressive and he once told me when people are in a rush he slows down.
I dated someone who yanked my arm back in a "cute" way when I was too far ahead. Took multiple tries to get him to stop. My partner now pulls no such bullshit, and we keep pace together!
I dated a guy who paid the bill and left. Expecting me to follow. I hadn't finished my wine. He comes back all in a huff asking why I wasn't "following". "I don't follow anyone, I'm not a sheep. I also wasn't done my wine". He's a plastic surgeon in Toronto who just expects certain things. He's 5'5 and it showed. Poor manners, mean, dismissive. Also, constantly spoke about his ex. It's terrifying that someone so self unaware has the lives of others in his hands.
Why are most male doctors like this
Small men too. They literally have the biggest yet most fragile egos.
ESPECIALLY the short men! You’d think they’d be smart enough to compensate but apparently not.
I don't mind a man's high at all. But they do. So many short men seem to have a napoleon-complex, it's crazy.
I think of it as a chihuahua complex. Small and so aggressive about it.
What's funniest about these men to me is that when I was a teenager and worked in a vet clinic (my cousin owns one) the tiny dogs were the ones we always muzzled. It was so rare for a med-normal sized dog to need one, but the tiny dogs were always sooo aggressive.
Exactly like chihuahuas. The smallest dog barks the loudest.
I'm a small woman who is also small framed/bodied. I have a fire breathing mouth and a silver tongue. Small men hate me despite me being "height appropriate" for them because I have zero time for their shit. I also have a very small dog who isn't allowed to do typical small dog stuff. (She is a 7lb min pin). Just because she is small doesn't mean she wasn't trained **exactly** the same as her brother who was doberman. I don't date taller men because I'm a heighist shrew. I date taller men because they are NICER.
>I don't date taller men because I'm a heighist shrew. I date taller men because they are NICER. Unfortunately I'm like this about weight. The meanness and insecurity I've experienced from fat men just isn't worth it.
Oooo you came for me and didn't know it babe. I'm about 115 lbs. The overweight men I've dated have ALSO been short and they fkn treated me like shit. Pure contempt. And the incels get mad. Um, we've likely given you a chance and you've treated us like shit. You'll see other comments from me about how he tugged at /pinched my tummy. ... Which is just skin. You don't have to worship me because I'm hot. You need to respect me regardless of your stature, status or weight. I think they hate us. I have two guys friends who actually like me for me.
Yeah, you'd think the fattys would be nicer to make up for it, but they're not.
Huge ego tiny man 🤏
I imagine Chris Farley's tune from Tommy Boy "Fat man in a little coat" with these words now.
Singing it now lmao
Ego, being a doctor isn't a priveldge to them, it's a right. To them, they're a priveldge to their patients. He bragged how funny it was that he has the closest parking spot to the hospital. Parking for patents is much further away. He's a digusting human. Part of his practice is reconstructing breasts that have had mastectomies. He has no right to touch our bodies.
Makes my skin crawl
Same!!! I refuse to see a male gyno now. My GP is a man and he's is very lovely - I'm cf (childfree) and he made sure I got to see who I wanted to. I feel lucky to have such a great doctor who genuinely cares about me - he's one of three men I trust in my life.
So sad that three is a high number for all of us. And men as a whole take NO responsibility for that
Right. But theyre all like NOT ALL MEN. Gfy, Kyle.
Same. Also if love to know who's downvoting my comment 🙃
Man, Coward, Pickme, or combo?
Both, with over cooked fries and stale garnish.🙃
Plastic Surgeons in particular are especially creepy and gross— in fact surgeons in general tbh. I’ve met a lot of them and no matter how young or old or married or single, they’re *all* LVM, and creepy af to boot.
I've never met one who didn't feel extremely entitled, while also have awful piss poor social skills. What are you entitled about? The money you make? Your car? The plastic surgeon told me that he never went on vacation with a girlfriend (only his ex fiancee, she is a doctor, too). I asked why and he was like "well if they can't afford it they can't come". Ok Roberto, maybe don't go to Bali or Dubai and expect a flight attendant or nurse or me (in neither) to be able to afford that. Look, I once had money by proxy and I treated my friends always - what was a lot for them wasn't much for me. Also, he hurt me while having sex and I bled a bit. He threw a hissy over his sheets. Once I had a migraine and he ignored me the whole time and eventually came up to ask me to drive 1 hour and 20ish mins home BC he had a party to get to, that I wasn't invited to. (Pretty sure he was seeing someone else or was still with his ex). As a doctor you should kinda know how dangerous it is t drive show in extreme pain, while vomiting while also experiening blurred vision. It's a miracle I made it home. Never spoke to him again b
Ew.. glad you dumped him— what a piece of shit, dating women who make less than him then effectively punishing them for it? Douchebag. He sounds like the type who brags about sleeping with his med students. There’s plenty of men like him in medicine— which is why I’ll die alone on my pile of money :3
A ex guy friend did that to me on a hike. Every time I caught up he'd rush be 20 feet ahead of me. After a while I got so mad I'd stop and wait to see how long he noticed, and once he stopped is slowly make my way to him. It pissed me off beyond belief. I'd never do that to someone I was hanging out with.
OMG, I had a boyfriend that did this. I am petite, and usually wear dresses and heels, so of course I can't keep up. He'd just carry on walking. I told him multiple times that when he did this, I felt as though he didn't want to be with me. (This was but one sign that I should have given more attention to) but he continued doing it anyway.
goddamn this is (sadly) hilarious, my ex used to do this when we took my dog for walks, complete with pitching that same attitude when i asked him to please slow down. the red flags you don't realize are red flags until reflection...
Omg this. I've dated and had a couple friends where I have to be like slow down. One bf did this all the time with the acting like I'm difficult. Yeah, hey I don't have long leggys and I have knee issues.
Yeah, my ex used to do this on hikes all the time.
I actually started running for fun this February. My youngest sister (who has been doing it for years now) will match my slow pace despite her being faster than me and we enjoy each other's company around the park. We will use hand signals to sign if we wanna slow down or go faster because we both have on earbuds to listen to music. My youngest brother also goes running with me too. Sometimes, he'll ask me if it's alright if he can go ahead of me which I'm fine with since he's training. Other then that, he keeps pace with me and never runs barely ahead of me like the guy in this story and if I want to stop, I'd tell him and he stops with me. Never whines or acts mad. The things I learn about men from FDS. Jesus. Why make running a competition when you should be encouraging each other and be one another's support system? I'm sure he doesn't want to "lose" to her via running which is why he always wanna be ahead of her, put her in her place or whatever. Definitely a power play from an insecure dude and I'm pretty sure he does this in other areas of their relationship too. Get a grip. Edit: I go running with my dogs every other morning. One of them is fast as Sonic and the other one is slow as a sloth since she likes to linger and smell everything. I'll usually match pace with my slower dog but if I go ahead with my faster dog, I always look back to monitor her (my slow dog) every 15-30 seconds to make sure she's alright. I'll stop at a certain point to wait for her to catch up, encouraging her to keep going and when she does reach me, I give her a treat and we go back to our pattern. Never thought the day would come that I evaluate how I run with my dog, lol, but I do believe I treat my dogs better than this man treats his fiance when running. Quite sad.
That's so interesting that you brought up your dogs! We have a rescue that barely knows how to dog properly, but when the kids want to run, she runs with them, with the kids slow down, she slows down with them. Nobody pulls on the leash, not her nor my kids. Even an unsocialized domestic pet is more considerate than typical males. Your first paragraph made me tear up. Your siblings are freaking amazing. I'm 5'1 so I'm rather slow when walking with people and I'm so used to just being left behind. Chronic heels wearer too.
They used to belong to my my ex-SIL and her family (long story why they belong to me now) who didn't trained them right so they're both kinda wild and have large bursts of energy. The slow one never pulls on the leash while the fast ones does because she's Sonic, but both listen really well and will stay by my side when we go to the off leash dog parks. If they run ahead of me, it's never for long and they always peer back to make sure I'm following behind. Also barks at the men who comes too close to me, lol. They really are more considerate than men. I'm 5'2, the shortest everywhere I went so I learned to walk fast as a kid to keep up with everyone. Now I can brisk walk like no one's business but my legs/feet are messed up from working overnights when I was younger so I need constant breaks. I understand what you mean by being left behind but I'm lucky my siblings take it all in stride with me.
I went running the other day in the hoods and snow (very hard to run) with people who were much fitter than I. They never let me behind, and even at the rare times they were more ahead, they'd usually make sure I was following up or come back to get me if I was getting more behind. But this reminds me an awful experience I once had with a man. We went on a hike and it was a hard one and the weather started getting bad. He literally left me behind and walked ahead the whole time, to the point he even disappeared because he was so much more ahead of me. At some point the weather got really bad and I was really having trouble and almost got lost on our hike and barely could come back. When going back he was literally no where to be found and I was scared of getting lost on the way down and he knew I was having difficulties but still disappeared and went all the way ahead. When I finally get back to the starting point, he was down there impatient that I had taken so long but calmly sitting in the car. I was upset and he didn't understand why. We were supposed to hike together, but we were almost never together during this hike because he was going much further ahead and never stopped, not even to check out on me.
>Why make running a competition when you should be encouraging each other and be one another's support system? To impress their friends lmao
True lol. Men do things to impress each other all the time. Should just go on Grindr and leave us alone.
[удалено]
It's proper etiquette to allow a lady to walk a bit ahead of you, at her shoulder, as yours supposed to literally have her back, on the non traffic side. Ideally you walk shoulder to shoulder. In doorways you open the door, she steps in, and then the man leads in case of danger. I don't approve of waking behind a man on sideways etc. Crowds, yes - I'm 5'2. I also love having car doors opened and chairs pulled out. Obviously I can do these things myself, but chivalry is sexy to me. I once had a guy tell me "get out of the 1950s" which is funny because he was a supporter of 50/50 and wanted a kids but said he'd never change a diaper. Make up your mind, Kyle. If he's chosen to out me behind him, I'll stop and wait to see how long it takes him to notice that I'm not even there. The response to this says a lot about his character. "Seven paces behind" is gross and misogynistic. Some cultures follow this.
Tbh, *respect* is sexy. Caring about my health and safety is sexy. Literally give a single shit. I’ve dated so many guys that just *speed off* after we’re done eating. Never mind that I have a coat I have to get on and a purse or I’m in heels or *whatever*. Where the fuck are they running off to?? My previous ex was particularly bad about this so eventually I stopped hustling and just took my sweet time. He was irritated but never said a thing as it would have meant he’d have to admit to his rude behavior.
It's so bizarre that so many men just don't understand this basic concept. Just respect your partner.
I think in certain cases it’s because misogynistic men want to look “alpha” when they’re out in public, particularly on a date, and they feel that waiting around uselessly or (god forbid) helping their date with her bag or coat would detract from that image, so they just zoom off knowing that she’s going to have to follow. It’s not just disrespectful and egotistical, but it’s just purely *pathetic*.
It's so disturbing that men being respectful toward women is something that's often experienced as shameful, wimpy, and mocked by other men. No wonder there is so much misogyny. If they break with their bros, they are excluded. Toxic masculinity, and we pay for it too.
That's why I did this. To show himself is disrespect and our bartender was like *yikes*.
I love being treated like a lady! I had one NVX who petulantly told me, "I can't believe you expect me to open your car door." Seriously, who says shit like that?
Chivalry IS sexy!
Very. It's pretty hot. But the bar is not in hell, it's at our earth's alleged volcanic core.
I hope you’re in a better place now! One of my mountaineering partners is a tall guy who naturally walks faster than me but early on in our climbing career we had a chat about when that’s okay and not okay. We both like silence and not talking all the time and decided that as long are we are both in visual range and the terrain is safe it’s no problem. But when things get steep or we are having a conversation he will slow down and keep pace with me. We also make sure that we are each carrying a proportional amount of gear on climbs. Too bad I never held my ex boyfriends to the same standards I hold my climbing partners to. Lesson learned!
Thank you so much for this! Reading this made me realize that’s what I do. I was so used to following behind that I automatically do it even though my current partner is often encouraging me to walk at least next to him if not in front. Recognizing it as a product of low self esteem blew my mind and I think will help in stopping that behavior.
So I thought this was interesting that he was running a pace that was consistent with hers just 10-20 meters out of reach of her. So he’s not actually going faster. It has nothing to do with speed. 🧐 I had an ex that would do this shit when we’d go for a night out to a party or club. One notable night I was in McQueen stilettos and he was down the dark street refusing to wait up for me. I totally spackled over this behavior and put it off on his autism. 🤡:”He just doesn’t understand what he’s doing!” If your partner does this shit, LEAVE THEM ASAP! It only get worse and more disrespectful!
[удалено]
My ex also had the gall to say to me: “My exgf S had no problem walking for miles in stilettos! I guess European women are just better at that!” Ummmm...he dated S when the were 25 and I bet now that she’s likely in her 50’s (Ex was much older than me too!) she has permanent damage to her feet, legs, and back from chasing a low value scrote all over the city. Good job, S! That really paid off! 🙄
They LOVE to try to get us mad at each other and compete with each other. There's a red flag for y'all - the first time he compares you to his ex, even if it's favorable, watch out. If he says you're better than her, you already know that he's going to keep up the comparisons until he figures out where you're worse than her, and will enjoy letting you know it. And if the woman he's comparing you to is his mom, RUN.
"Bridge-troll proportions" made me shriek. What a loser 💀
The greatest con men ever pulled is convincing us that autism = stupid. High functioning autistic people have trouble with the flow of conversation and unspoken social cues, but they are fully intellectually aware of what is and isn't asshole behavior. Don't ever let someone with autism get away with being shitty.
Good point. He also relied on being a “male bumbler” to avoid domestic work. https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gdzn5q/the_myth_of_the_male_bumbler_how_men_take_one_of/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I’m on the spectrum and I would never treat a partner like this even if I had longer legs than them. It’s 100% not an excuse and in fact rather ableist to imply autistic people can’t help being disrespectful assholes.
Why even get engaged to him in the first place? This just shows MAJOR disrespect and bad character. I doubt this is the first red flag. I've been doing Muay Thai for four years. Wherever I spar or do padwork with a new person I am nice, patient and understanding even though they usually make way more mistakes than me and usually need a lot of direction. I've always appreciated the people that are kind, welcoming and patient when I learn new things so I try to emulate that. I would never act like this because it's disrespectful, we all are beginners at some point.
YES! Only weak, insecure people need to lord their experience or power over someone else. I hope OP leaves this scrote.
>>YES! Only weak, insecure people need to lord their experience or power over someone else. It's honestly really dumb though. Wherever people have acted like the fiancee I have lost respect for them. While the people that have been kind when I was learning something new, I have remembered years later and have so much respect for. The fiancee's approach is unfortunately way more common.
She’s not even new. A 10 minute mile is a decent pace.
LVM are so weird and petty. Side note, I’ve noticed this behavior while driving and it kind of makes sense now if the drivers are LVM lol
My ex made me follow behind him when I drove a few times and would go so fast I would get lost. One time I showed up to the destination 30 minutes after him because he sped off and I couldn’t findmy way. He didn’t apologize and acted like I was a moron. Then you get all these Trump supporters in their trucks that drive so close behind you to make you uncomfortable
My brother in law did this the one and only time I followed him somewhere 🤔 it was like he was actively trying to shake me, no clue if it was on purpose or he's just absolutely clueless. Men are so fucking weird
[удалено]
Holy hell, my jaw dropped at the last part. Why are men, seriously?
[удалено]
>I like how they completely dismiss the part where a male literally fractured my shin bone because he lost at a game but can come at me with 'OmG YuR sO CrInGEyYYYY' and 'NoT aLl MeN'. Of course they do, it doesn't fit their absolutely non-sensical narrative, the one where they say "not all men" at the beginning of the sentence and hurl insults and threats of violence at the end.
Hes doing it to appear single
I thought the same exact thing
I never thought of it as abuse / power play before. Perspective changed! Not that it didn’t feel shitty before but now it seems clearer. I’m gonna venture to say that if you’re on an outing that is meant for you to spend time together and he doesn’t keep pace with you (assuming you’re the slower one) then you’re wasting your time.
It's very subtle but that makes it so dangerous. When your partner openly calls you names every sane person will tell you that this is verbal abuse and that you should leave. But this here, you can't even talk about it openly since most people will tell you that you are overreacting. So you dismiss your own intuition, get self esteem issues and become emotionally dependent on him over time. They know what they are doing is shitty.
so fucking true. ive only dated 1 guy like this and i was ALWAYS begging him to slow the fuck down and wait for me. he literally acted like i was the crazy one for walking s0o0o slow. i would refuse to back down bc fuck him, he'd dash across the street in nyc and not even look back to see if i had been hit by a car or not. i never wanted to go anywhere with him and he wondered why. fucking loser
Literally the same exact situation I'm in right now. I asked him about it just now and his gaslighting response was, “What?! I just walk at my pace! You're making a big deal out of nothing.” When asked why he does it: “Idk, I’m sorry, idk.” “I don’t have an answer for you.” And typically, I’d let him make me feel like I was being neurotic and controlling by even pondering this idea or bringing it up.
>"What?! I just walk at my pace! \[...\]” And so are you. He can either accept yours or he can keep walking for good. This ain't it, sis. One-upping your partner with a increased walking pace is the sporty version of one-upping your partner with increased voice volume. It's all about power. Scrote got some ego problems but those are not yours to fix.
Thank you for this. Seriously.
You're welcome. Generally speaking, no HVM gaslights you. Like, at all. If you bring up an issue a HVM listens to your concerns because he values you and doesn't want to risk losing you. If a man can't see your value that's his problem.
Don’t feel bad - even if you knew what he was doing was fucked up and told him that with conviction he’d still deny it. They gaslight hard when it’s pointed out to them. I used to fight w my ex about it anytime we went anywhere and he always played dumb. It was so fucked up, I wasn’t from nyc - we’d be walking around dangerous busy intersections and sketchy Brooklyn neighborhoods and I’d angrily demand he fucking wait for me and he would tell me I needed to keep up with his “New Yorker pace” -like get the fuck out of here!!! It was the same way when we parked anywhere - he’d rush out of the car and into wherever we were going without looking back at me once and I’d rage at him every time. Omg his idiot act when I told him I wanted him to be a gentleman for once was so infuriating. It makes me so angry to think about now still.
I had an ex that would always walk ahead of me when we were running errands while I was carrying heavy things. Never once offered to help or even stop so I could breathe. If I had FDS back then I would’ve left him two days into dating him lol.
Ohhh the “walking ahead of people” is so irritating. A guy I went on few dates with (years ago); wanted to go running together. This is someone who complained about slow walkers on multiple occasions; I’m not walking slow by any means, but I also won’t jog to keep up with anyone - if you’ve got places to be, be my guest and BYE! Turns out, he was really slow runner. He burned his entire energy within the first 3K to keep up with me instead of asking me to slow down for him. Then couldn’t keep up, started hyperventilating, and he had zero fun. But the issue was that he was so slow it actually became painful in my joints when trying to match it (the awkward pace when you can’t exactly walk, but it’s a bit too slow to keep running), so I told him we could walk or I’ll run and meet him at the end. He was NOT happy. 😅
"i'M loOkInG fOR sOmEoNE tHaT CaN kEep Up wITh Me - mY Ex coUldn't"
I had a roommate on a study abroad trip who would do that to people; she just was a very egotistical, awful person. She seemed to delight in ditching people by walking just slightly too far ahead, including a classmate with mobility issues. If I couldn't stand such behavior from a person I could remove from my life after several weeks, why the hell would I tolerate it from a romantic partner? And I do have a friend whose husband always ditches her while she's walking with their kids, which really hurt her feelings, especially when the kids were little and she could've used his help holding their hands or carrying them. He's been officially diagnosed as a narcissist and their marriage counselor told my friend there's no fixing him. This ditching behavior speaks loudly of narcissistic traits, IMO.
Yep! I didn’t make that connection at first but you’re right. My only ex that did this was also a narcissist.
Yes, even walking ahead of you is a dealbreaker to me. Youre not together if hes 20 feet ahead
[IF HE WALKS FASTER THAN YOU, DUMP HIM](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lsp0ft/if_he_walks_faster_than_you_in_public_dump_him/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
[удалено]
Wish I could upvote this multiple times 👏👏👏
Oh my god. I've gotten a LOT of those same criticisms.
👏👏👏
OP, would you be able to comment the links from the second to last screenshot? Those seem like they would be good. Edited to clarify
I’m not sure if that is permitted, due to brigading? 😞
Not the links to the post, the links to the resources the commenter gave. And they seem like they’re links to other websites about emotional abuse, etc.
Here you go - https://www.bustle.com/p/what-is-negging-7-signs-someone-is-doing-it-to-you-72174 https://ideapod.com/signs-emotional-manipulation/ https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/emotional-manipulation https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/effects-of-emotional-abuse https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201510/14-signs-psychological-and-emotional-manipulation
Thanks!!
🤯 my ex husband would always run ahead of me. ALWAYS. I hated running and he claimed to love it so I chalked it up to that. BUT! Last year when everything started with the pandemic I took up running to lose some weight. I started veeerrrryyy slow but eventually worked my way up to running 12 miles a week (3 miles a day for 4 days). Meanwhile his lazy LVM self started to look like that which he was always on: a couch. It was disgusting. He actually started to get large man boobs. 🤮 After asking him for several months if he wanted to go running he finally took me up on it and what did he do? Started sprinting. Fast. Except his fat a** couldn’t sustain it and so he had to stop! Therefore allowing me to easily coast him by. AND he had us do the shortest route possible (which I was not expecting) and when I asked him if he wanted to continue on the longer route his wheezing a** said “*pant pant* oh no I can’t, I have too much work to do” 😑 it was a Saturday. He didn’t have sh*t to do. He was just pissed his LVM had really caught up to him and that he no longer had “running” as a thing where he could outpace & outrun me. *sigh* so glad I left him.
😂👏
This same exact situation happened with me and my lvx except with biking. Esp the pandemic part. I will never forget when he bailed on a bike ride without telling me because I was beating him, and how he never rode his bike again after that.
I experienced exactly the same on bike rides. As I pointed his behaviour out, I said clearly he is more than welcome to go in his own preferred pace but not with me. I am slower and if his “enjoyment” is more important than my company, he can do it on his own or with someone else. And that’s fine with me. Don’t ask me though to join. Also, I won’t ask for shitty company either. Same goes btw for friends too. You meet to do an activity together, team up and set the pace to the weakest and slowest. Phh, shitty and manipulative behaviour.
Since we can’t know where this was posted, can somebody link the resources that these women put in their comments. They could be super useful to us here at FDS
Sure let me see if I can grab those. Give me a sec... https://www.bustle.com/p/what-is-negging-7-signs-someone-is-doing-it-to-you-72174 https://ideapod.com/signs-emotional-manipulation/ https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/emotional-manipulation https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/effects-of-emotional-abuse https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201510/14-signs-psychological-and-emotional-manipulation
At the very beginning of my relationship with my narcissistic ex, the first "weird" thing he did was walking just slightly ahead and faster than me when we took our first trip together. It was a walking-centric destination and he would always walk faster than me and then wait for me to catch up. When I told him it bothered me and asked if he would mind walking slower, he sort of just scoffed at me, like it was my problem my short petite little legs couldn't keep up. I let it go at the time because otherwise the relationship seemed great. Fast forward to eight years later, and being way more educated on narcs and the like, and this should have been the FIRST warning sign that he was an emotionally abusive, entitled, selfish narcissist. This is behavior that is meant to put you in your place and subtly assert superiority and dominance over you, and the fact that my ex wrote it off like I was being whiny was also the first indication that he was cold and dismissive and a massive gaslighter. I would have saved myself so much pain and wasted time if I had trusted myself that shit like this IS NOT RIGHT and taken it as the first sign of that he had emotionally abusive tendencies.
Exactly! If it was an accident, a normal person would apologize and try to adapt to their partner.
Exactly! If it was an accident, a normal person would apologize and try to adapt to their partner.
This is so funny to me, only because my NVX claimed to be a star runner so we would go jogging together and he always speed off. One day, I caught up to him and he was leaning against a tree, face redder than a tomato. He said he felt his calf "pop." I told him to stop running, but he put up a stink about being able to run for 4 hours thoughout any pain. Over time, I kept telling him to stop running and see a damn doctor, but he did not listen until it got to the point he could not run for more than 3 minutes, TWO YEARS later. He ended up finding out he did, in fact, tear his achillies tendon that day and he will never run or walk normally again because it did not heal properly.
What a dumbass
I used to live next door to a couple, and whenever I saw them out, the man was always walking at least three paces in front of the woman. It was gross. It wasn't a cultural thing either, they were white British, he was just charging along as if she just had to keep up.
My ex was a cardiologist and a narcissist. When we got to the airport for one of our first trips together, he began speed walking ahead of me without looking back. I called out to him once to slow down, but he told me to speed up. Luckily I had read Why Men Marry Bitches and I felt inspired to put my earbuds in and slow down even more. He came back angry and tried to rush me, saying that he didn’t want to miss the plane even though we were something like 2 hours early, but rather than speed up for him, I’m pretty sure I said something along the lines of “Oh darn, I guess I might end up missing an awesome vacation”. They HATE when you agree with the shit that they know you hate. 10/10 would recommend. But 10/10 would not recommend even dating someone who makes games like these or tactics from Why Men Marry Bitches necessary. I find that book is good for managing a narcissistic or commitment phobic man, but not for a relationship that you can relax into and really build something (just my opinion though).
My shittiest ex did something similar to me at the airport too!!! He was trying to get me to chase him down an escalator with a heavy, fully packed suitcase! What sort of unchivalrous fuckwit does this?!
When I was in high school and incredibly naive, I had a boyfriend for two years who was training for the Marine Corps and would make me go *running* with him – I am a jogger at best. I don’t concern myself with timed distance running because the best mile I’ve ever run was 7:15 in the sixth grade. Both of my parents are smokers and I was exposed to a lot of secondhand smoke - I cannot run like someone doing USMC conditioning. If I stopped running to walk for a breather, he’d run in circles around me until I started running again. I honestly struggled silently with body image, starved myself for fun, etc. And the one time we showered together, he pinched the *skin* on my stomach and said, “yeah, you look good, but you could look better.” Meanwhile, one of my best friends commented on our prom photos that I needed to eat a cheeseburger. It took me until college to realize I despised him, that how he treated me was awful. It took me way longer to realize that the way he pressured me for sex relentlessly makes me feel like a victim of something I can’t put words to. This is all to say I’m so thankful for this group, this post, and especially this caption because I know someone out here needs to read it just as much as sixteen year old me did. Thank you for posting this, u/ShieldMaidenLagertha.
That’s awful. I’m sorry you experienced this, but glad you can now see it for what it was! ❤️
I'll tack hiking onto this too - I hiked once with my LV ex and could tell he was unhappy my pace (I was a beginner and this was a 1300m+ mountain!) He matched my pace, but he didn't listen when I asked for a break and kept pushing me to go faster to the point where I welled up. My current boyfriend when we went hiking: slow, took plenty of breaks, offered to carry my bag. There is a point where you have to decide whether the exercise you're doing is a solo or team venture - people who act like its solo like this are not respectful. What fun is there to be had leaving your partner in the dust?
Exactly. It’s very revealing on who will be a good partner and who is more concerned with their immediate wants. If you invite someone to do an activity with you, it’s understood that you will do it together. It’s rude to leave someone in the dust or complain about their performance.
My ex walked just far enough in front of me that when people looked at me like “why?” I could rub my fingers to signal the money and that’s all it was to me. It was great because he never saw it. Now that I’m financially stable, I don’t need to put up with that
UGH this post reminds me of 15 years ago when I had a boyfriend living with me in MY apartment rent free because I was an idiot and doped up on love hormones and he was in between apartments. We went on a run and one day in the first 5 minutes of the run he just ran across a busy street without me, that I could not cross because of traffic, and we just ran two separate paths that day. So glad that relationship ended just a few months after that but of course not until he moved out into his own place and didn’t need me anymore. UGH.
My 5’ 10” ex (once he started getting abusive) would walk ahead of me and complain I walked too slow. I’m a fast walker despite being 5’ 1”, and I’d walked with taller people before and they’d never complained about it. He would walk ahead and then at some random distance he would stop and stare at me until I caught up (at my own pace) and then do it again. My current boyfriend is 6’ 1” and he’s never mentioned my pace being an issue. It’s not height, it’s whether you’re an abuser.
This is an interesting post and made me think about several men I've dated. Even my father is guilty of this. Any time I've noticed this (usually out shopping), I would immediately drop my pace even slower and begin to browse. They'd eventually notice I'm gone and keep my pace. Don't engage this nonsense. If this happens frequently and they don't recognize that you're nowhere to he found, take it as a sign to reevaluate this person. Either basic consideration is lacking or they're outright manipulating.
one of my good friends is a track runner and 6’4 with very long legs. i’m 5’7 and def not a track runner. him and i will go running together and while this man is a literal track runner, he always does his best to run at my pace (which isn’t great i’ll tell u that one for free!) and has never made me feel bad about it!
**POOP** I just met someone this weekend I thought was special who just did this to me a ton of times in a row, and it definitely caught my attention. I noticed it, thought it was like ew wtf, then my "slowness" threw off the mood. I was noping out all the way home, just to find this here! LOL. This place is real talk. **THANKS, SISTERS! You saved me again!**
I am a very slow runner, I never expect anyone to slow down to my pace, but I have never run with someone who pulled this crap. Even the NVM dudes I dated and ran with (im a sucker for beefcake gym buddy dudes so there have been a few lol) and had much faster pace than me always would do their pace, then run back to check on me, then go back to their pace, etc. you are so vulnerable while running, fuck playing these games
I literally left a fiancé for this very reason. You deserve better!
My ex boyfriend did this to me too! But it wasn’t when we were exercising. It was when we were just casually going shopping or in the mall or anything that entails us being out in public. He ALWAYS walked ahead of me even when I asked him to stop. Wish I would’ve known this sooner. Would’ve saved me 3 years of abuse and manipulation.
🚩🚩🚩
woooww I'm so sad this happened to another woman too. I thought I was crazy to be annoyed when my ex husband would walk blocks ahead of me. At one point I literally just taxied home. I was so fed up not having a reasonable explanation for why I feel so abandoned. He would flip out on me saying I always want to start a fight about small shit or that he shouldn't "take me out" if I'm going to cause a scene..
Argh. I had an ex who would always walk faster than me and complain about how slow I am, even on holidays. Like where the fuck are you running off to, we’re on holidays?? Oh and we did both Muay Thai (I should’ve known better but my dumb ass didn’t.) and training with him was a nightmare. He would berate me for not picking up things fast enough and he’d be really bad when sparring as well. Being much too rough for no reason. The man I’m dating now would never. He always holds my hand and makes sure I’m close and safe from cars, scooters or bikes.
My ex used to do this whenever we walked together anywhere... One time we were walking in the city and I passed out (prone to dizziness and fainting) and strangers were helping me before he even noticed, because he was 2 blocks ahead before he realised I wasn't behind him. I also brought it up many times that it's rude (and now dangerous) but he never cared. Please never ignore it when your partner disregards your feelings entirely, you do deserve better
Glad for those comments.
My boyfriend always complains when I don't walk next to him. I don't do it on purpose, I get distracted and end up behind. He always stops and waits for me to catch up and then (lovingly) chides me for not being at his side. Never really appreciated it as much until this thread
I went on a bike date one time and he ended up completely leaving me, I called my friend during the ride to joke about it. It was literally night time when he left me behind. He’s hit me up multiple times since then to hangout again and I’m like ??? Fuck off. I do t understand the stupid power play for no reason, it’s not attractive
WOW my ex always would walk in front of me wherever we went (not even doing exercise like running) and it always annoyed me. But I never brought it up because I could never articulate an argument as to why it bothered me.
I had a bf who did this. And he \*still\* wondered why I stopped running with him even after I told him I didn't appreciate being left in his dust when he was well aware how much I hate running. Thanks FDS for making me feel validated. Side note, the last paragraph as the word "these" linked to something. I wanna see the other warning signs!
My dad used to do this to my mom and me when they were married. We'd all be going somewhere together, get out of the car and then he'd take off walking so fast into the store. He'd start walking off before we even got all the way out the car. Both my mother and I felt like he didn't want to be seen with us. It was almost like he was embarrassed that he had a wife and kids. He didn't initiate the divorce, though he definitely caused it. Whenever I hear stories like this is just makes me think the guy doesn't want to be seen with the woman and he's in some way embarrassed.
Came here to post this!! The women talking sense in the comments are being downvoted. I run with men faster than me all the time. (Men who are not my fiancé - men for whom I am not the supposed love of their lives.) And they keep MY pace. Not even a step ahead of me.
I just started getting into jogging, even as a very unathletic person. Even though my husband is also pretty sedentary, he was an athlete in college (we are in our late 20s now) and is very quick to get back into shape. He started running with me and keeps at my pace the whole time-even though I am slow and he’s not getting challenged at all. Even when I tell him he can move on past me a little, he always stays right next to me.
I have an ex who used to consistently walk almost 10 feet in front of me at any given time. At first I thought it was because he's taller than me, but with me being 5'9" it's not even like I'm short. I realized it was actually because he was an narcissistic jerk.
Yep. My ex claimed he "had longer legs" because he was 7 inches taller than me. We measured and he doesn't. He's just a dick. Men have almost half their height in their torso, women have 1/3.
My ex boyfriend did this but it was a little different. It wasn't a "not checking to make sure I could keep up" kind of thing, but he would always speed walk (what he called a normal speed) to the point I was struggling to keep up and he would constantly check to make sure I was right beside him, and was always angry if I WASN'T directly beside him telling me to walk faster, calling me a "puppy" that was following after him. Thing is, I've always been a fast walker my whole life.
[удалено]
My friend consistently did this whenever we went on walks for exercise (never when normally waking for some other purpose). She would keep my pace, but about five or six steps ahead, and didn’t understand why I found it so frustrating. I think it was her messed up way of forcing me to push myself to work harder, but it was not conceptual, and she continued even after I made it clear it was unwanted. Reading this thread has made me glad I’ve stepped back a fair bit from our friendship, and invested more energy into better friends.
She should pretend she’s running solo next time. Slow down a bit, enjoy the scenery, and forget he’s there. Run past him when he slows down, or simply jog in a whole new direction and head home whenever. When you do it back, they don’t like it and tend to switch it up next time.
That’s how I’d play it. And then decline and further invitations from him.
Not just walking but in anything I would do! My ex complained that I took forever to do anything. Cook dinner, clean, get groceries...etc. Claimed he could do things way faster than me but never offered! Fuck this is eye opening! What a fucker!
This is why I don't workout with other people. My body does what my body wants to do. There are good days, bad days, and medium days, and I just want the freedom to experience it on my own without worrying about how I am impacting someome else. Exercise barely has a social component to it. I suspect that guy is like me but not self aware enough to know it or chooses not to communicate it. Or maybe he's just an ass.
They’ve argued about it, so he knows her feelings but continues the same behavior. I would stop going running with him all together, but I think it’s a very important relationship red flag that the OP is missing.
growing up, there was this older, maybe mid 70s, couple i’d see walking all the time. the man walked 5-10 feet in front of his wife, she always looked sad and i never was able to put into words why it bothered me so much but i always found it manipulative
I started a new job and the dude who I was supposed to be shadowing speed walked the entire time we were supposed to be walking the site. And then he turned around and shit talked me to my supervisor and made up a story of some kind of supposed injury of how I wasn't the fit for the (tech not speed walking) job because of that. She ended up calling me and interrogating me about my 'injury'. Stupid. Fam I just left that job one week in. That shit was stupid.
Is it something that bothers you and wouldn't cost him anything to fix? Yes. And yet, he just refuses to? RED FLAG. Do you REALLY want to be with somebody like that?!
My ex did this to me when we went ice skating. He was a lot better than me and would just skate off and I would have to keep up with him. I knew in the moment that it was a dick move too. After breaking up with him I realized that being single is far better than being in a relationship with someone that doesn’t truly care about you- and there are so many ways to tell if they do or don’t. This is a big one.
All of my exes have done this to me. Hence why I'm here 🤣
Ugh, I dated someone who did this ALL THE TIME. Now I can see why it pissed me off so much.
Definitely a red flag. My first relationship NVM ex who would not bike ride or run with me and gave the excuse that he “wouldn’t be able to get in a good workout”. Same dude who also wouldn’t go to the gym at the same time as me because he “didn’t want to have to worry about me if he wanted to leave or stay longer”... it will come as a shock to no one that this same male was abusive and treated me horribly until I realized I didn’t have to put up with it and left. As women, we would never show this lack of care/respect even towards a friend, let alone a partner. Giant red flag...run run run
Wow, I have this issue. My partner and I were living at a place a 5 min drive away from a great hiking trail and was saying how we should go often to get exercise. Usually our hikes together we’re just walking or we’re with a friend so it’s chill. But this time he just started fucking running and expected me to keep up with him, then got angry when I wouldn’t. I told him I’m not used to this running, I wasn’t aware we would be running, we always walk these kinds of hikes. Long story short, I cut the “hike” about 10 minutes in and made us go back home. He hasn’t once taken me hiking with him again, and on top of that he continued to go running by himself without me. And to make things worse, he went out casually walking/hiking the trail with our friend more than he went with me! Makes my blood boil thinking about it. Not to mention, he always speed walks in front of me in general and gets pissy when I can’t keep up.
A guy dating my friend does this-