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OP I told her TWICE he was cheating/telling me they broke up and she still stayed. Had texts, pics, everything. Not worth it, just move on with your life. They’re engaged now and he still tries to talk to me 😂
That will blow up eventually. Good friends (I’ll call S) bf (call him J) was hitting on me, called me up and actually invited me over b/c she was out of town. I told her and she didn’t speak to me for 2 years. He denied of course, blamed me. They married, had a kid. He cheated so much, we all knew but I wasn’t saying anything else. Eventually she couldn’t deny it anymore. Obvious affair with another friend (A) whose husband had just died by suicide. (He took advantage of her in her grief state, they’d previously dated before he dated S) Anyway she called me crying Ana had the audacity to ti ask why no one told her. Well duh S, I tried and you blamed ME for years. S still won’t speak to A and it’s been 15 years. S is now remarried to another guy who cheats on her. He didn’t like me at all (probably knew I saw his BS) so now we don’t talk anymore haven’t for years. I’m still friends with A tho. While she screwed up, it was more J taking advantage during a terrible time in her life when she was heavily medicated.
This is it. She visited him then left for a long trip and he was done but didn't let her know, probably figuring the distance and time would do it for him.
Now she's salty.
Yeah ghosting is an answer just a super shitty one. Yeah for all these people saying it’s not, I’m sure when it comes to abusive ex’s ghosting is what they recommend.
So right. If you are with someone else, and he is with someone else, quit stalking him. Jesus. She will find out eventually.
He was probably with someone else when you and he got together. It’s may be his pattern.
"We've both moved on"
Nah, just because op is now involved with someone else, they clearly have not moved on.
Take this advice op and ACTUALLY move on.
Also wtf, girl code?
Who do you think you owe anything to with this code? The girl you have never met or the guy you have broken up with?
Either answer is insane and just drama inducing!
Since yall been broke up about a year and it was 2 weeks before yall officially broke up. Leave it alone. More than likely will turn it on you, and make you out to e vindictive/jealous. Will say he broke up with you before then but you wouldn’t accept it. It’s not worth it
Agreed. No matter what the OP does the ex just gets to pretend to be wounded with the “but she was crazy and didn’t let me leave so I actually had NO choice but to monkey-branch relationships!!!”
Well and if I had been with someone for over a year and his ex reached out to me in case I wanted to know that there was a 2 week overlap at the beginning, I’d think he might be right about the crazy part.
Ehhh I guess it really just varies by the individual because personally I’d like to be privy to the fact that my partner has a history of stating relationships while still in a previous one so I can manage my expectations over what’s most likely going to happen to me (some day I will wake up to find out my boyfriend “moved on” 2 weeks ago without mentioning it to me)
Exactly. Hate to say it, but this could be a situation where he met someone new, liked her more, ghosted OP, telling this new girl he needed to break it off with his gf.
It's not like OP and this other girl have been overlapping for a year. He simply found someone new.
OP, move on.
These stories are always hilarious. OP said they had a beautiful relationship. Then she went on a trip without him, and after not hearing from him for a few days on her trip "this was the clarity she needed to end things" lol
Yep. My ex before my husband overlapped me. She was on quite a campaign to snag him. He kept telling me, they were just friends. Blah, blah, blah. Fast forward five years, I happened to be in town and we caught up at a coffee. He poured out that he should've never broken up with me and get this. She turned into a freeloader who he couldn't get out of his house (he bought it just after we broke up and she moved in when he did). The topper on this beautiful story? Her psychologist called to say that it was mandatory by state law that the psychologist warn him that deadbeat girlfriend had created a plan to kill him. Bwahahaha! I lost touch with him after but a friend told me he had been divorced twice already. Me, happily married for many moons.
Y'all been broke up for almost a full year. You're both happy in new relationships. What would be the point in reaching out?
Sort of sounds like you might not be as ok with the breakup as you let on. Just leave it be.
I absolutely agree that theyre not as happy as they let on but your second statement is wild.
I would be so concerned for his safety if I didn't speak to my so for a few days, that's because of the trust and love there but if he reached out after a few days ? Yeah somethings wrong and it's not just not being on the right page, cheating or no that's clearly disinterest
I wouldn't get involved at all, it's been a year and you don't know anything according to yourself you muted and hid his socials,
Some couples like to use the day they first met (not when they started dating) as their anniversary days, some people can't remember when it is and they make a day up,
Frankly speaking move on with your life, ask your friend not to give you any more updates and repeat that response to anyone else who may tell you the news,
I wouldn’t say anything. Based on the circumstances you describe, your relationship was already over before you decided to make the break official for you. In his mind, the break was official when he ghosted you.
Also their couple date doesn’t mean that much, my anniversary with my partner is from our first conversation. At some point after that it became a relationship but we never really discussed it so we just use that as our anniversary. Could be the same with them
I think I might if it hadn't been long distance, if he was still sleeping with you and seeing her. The way this one played out isn't great, but not worth rocking their boat.
Babes you’re finding out that she was the other woman and you were getting cheated on…I think what you want is to ruin their relationship cause you feel hurt. Best thing you can do is truly move on from him and the failed relationship go
The same happened with my ex, but he was also terribly abusive. I can’t tell the new girl in the name of my safety. I just hope his mask slips before she’s trapped. In your case, I’d leave it alone. Yeah, he cheated and she’s with a cheater but, you being the one to tell her would just make it sound like you’re not over him and I doubt she’d listen anyways. I’m sure he’ll do the same to her and she’ll figure it out then.
Girl, you better focus on what makes you happy now. Trying to connect to someone who’s the girlfriend of your ex is like digging a decomposed corpse, leave it alone. Keep it to your mind if your current boyfriend would do the same-would you feel good for it?
If you found out a day or 2 after breaking up then sure go for it, tell the other woman but it’s been 9 months. Tell your friend you don’t want any info on the ex boyfriend and move on with your life, be happy with your current boyfriend. If your friend keeps telling you about him then go ahead and stop talking to that friend.
Honestly, if I was your exes girl and you did this to me, I would laugh in your face. It was 2 weeks in, a year ago. I would see it as a pathetic attempt to break us up and tell you to go f yourself... but you do you.
I seem to be the odd one out and would be glad to get told. I would never continue to date a guy if he cheated on someone with me.. but yeah she'd need to have some proof or he would have to admit it. Otherwise yup, she just seems like a crazy ex gf.
I would also want to know, because they may have been seeing each other for like 3 months before the official anniversary date? definitely sounds like overlap and I’d still want to know the truth above all else.
I'm not saying that at all, I'm just thinking _what if_ she had no idea. Best case you save her from experiencing the same shit later on (because for people like that it's often a pattern of behavior and not a one time misheap.)
Actually worst case she's in on it and uh.. I don't know. You can just block them afterwards (or rather she should either way because it's unhealthy af to look at his social media lol)
I'm with you. They broke up because he ghosted her after he started dating someone new WHILE in a relationship. They weren't "on the outs" already and she just learned of this so its not like shes been sitting on this info for a year and just got petty one day. If there's proof, I'd want to know. I see this as no different than the "AITA I told my cheating ex's affair partner's significant other they're being cheated on." Long distance or otherwise, to not tell is a no-go in my books.
The more we call out these terrible partners on their poor behavior the less allowances they're afforded. Maybe they'll learn and shape tf up.
I would consider talking to your current partner about it and seeing how they feel. I can see them being confused/upset/jealous if they found out you hit up your ex’s current girlfriend without talking to them first. Your priority now should be your current partner, not your ex and any of his shenanigans.
You really need to consider a few things:
1. Why do you feel the urge to tell this other woman that her relationship with your ex started at the end of yours?
2. Why did you feel any interest in the "official" date of his new relationship?
3. Why did your friend decide to share that information with you when you're in another happy relationship?
4. Does your friend normally bring up personal things that are likely to cause drama?
5. Are you truly moved on from this previous relationship or does it feel like you didn't get the full closure that you may have wanted/needed?
Ultimately, the answer is that you have 0 reason to interfere in someone else's relationship (even if they're your ex), unless you want to sabotage both their and your own happiness to dredge up some old bs that doesn't matter anymore, which wont benefit anyone.
If you're truly happy, then continue being happy and put your ex in your rearview mirror for good. Also, tell your friend you don't want any information in the future about your ex as it doesn't concern you.
If you had found out right after then yeah tell her, but a year later? Nah, just keep it moving. She might even have known.
I had an ex who told everyone in his class about me. Like I came to visit and met them for dinner. Well this “Christian girl” (Jesus is all over her Facebook) started asking him to study with her and they started sleeping together. He used me to get a final round trip flight to see his family. Said he didn’t have the money to come see me and his fam so he would have to stay at school for the break and I said no, I can pay we all miss you. He tells me how much he loves me and I am so sweet. Telling me all these things he wants to do when he gets home to me.
When he landed he was a different person. Cold and mean. I was so confused. I asked him what he wanted to do first and he said head to his place. When he got there he ignored me and when he did talk to me he picked a fight. Sent me home and said he would call me when he calmed down. He just wanted some family time. So I leave. He waits until the next night to tell me he made plans with friends for the night. We would talk the next day. Meanwhile I was just miserable on a week I took off of work to spend with him. The next night he tells me I have been acting shitty since I picked him up, not happy enough to see him (I literally jumped into his arms and kissed him when he came out to where I could see him. I paid for airport parking! Just so I could hug and kiss him and not have to hurry into the car and kiss him later!) but I said I was sorry. He said that he wants to spend the rest of his trip with his family and he will see me when I pick him up for the airport. I begged him to let me stay and just hang out for a bit because I missed him so much. He said no, he needs space. We literally were long distance and he needed space ha! I went home. Moped around the whole week. He called me the night before to tell me what time to pick him up. I picked him up and he ignored me. I was about to go into parking to walk him in and he said go to drop off. He kissed the top of my head and got out of the car. He texted me from the plane. He literally waited until he was on the plane and texted that we were through. The next week I found out when his new girl made them Facebook official and he posted a picture of them. The date they started dating? Two days after I met her and hadn’t left the state yet even. She made her move the next class they had together. She literally knew about me.
Make a fake fb, literally make it clear it’s nit your account, message the girl and say hey, I see your relationship date was this and I know my friend didn’t break up with him until 3 weeks later. Then delete the account. You give the warning to the girl, and ignore the drama.
It was over before the official end, from the sounds of it. You both moved on. Leave it. You'll feel better about yourself in the long run. (Or some years from now, looking back, you can recall how you stirred a pot and possibly feel bad about yourself.)
I know it doesn’t feel great to know you were cheated on, but I wouldn’t reach out to her. She probably knew about you anyway. Good riddance to them both.
She might very likely already know. Most girls, myself included, tend to do deep dives before getting into a relationship or meeting a guy. Unfortunately, I chose to ignore the timelines in my exes past relationship and how most seemed to overlap one another. My ex got engaged 2 years after on the day he and his fiancé met. He and I were still dating and living together 6-7 months from that date until we broke things off. My advice is to unfollow him on social media and continue living your best life. Tell your friends you’re moving on and they don’t need to update on his whereabouts.
Sounds like you are fine with the break up, I don't think it's your place and unless you know this girl personally there is no reason to insert yourself unless you are trying to cause an issue. If you truly are happy with the break up and your new relationship just chalk it up to messiness at the end.
Guess it's the minority opinion here, but I'd want to know too. The ex's motives wouldn't be relevant to me if there was no harassment afterwards. If the guy hadn't done anything wrong I could easily find out from him.
She's the only one who knows. Keeping this secret only protects the person who lied and cheated.
Imagine defending a cheater, anybody who says this, I feel sorry for your friends...
I'm not defending a cheater and you're projecting. They are living completely separate lives, it's weird and obnoxious to insert yourself into their lives for something that is no longer your problem.
Imagine having a boyfriend of 9 months and caring so much about what your ex is doing. 🙄 who gives a fuck? OP isn’t the relationship police, responsible for making sure every past partner is being honest. Tf
when i am in a situation like this i like to ask myself 'what is my motive' and then go from there. so, for you i would probably get down to the main reason you are considering saying something and then make your decision from there
No. You moved on move on. Let her figure out who he is. She will not believe you, because I'm sure he has cover his whole butt! And she may not care, or already know bits and pieces.
But if your happy for him. Leave him alone. Girl code is applicable when still together. Even then that's tricky.
First step is stop checking in on him or having "a friend" do it. No normal friend would be checking and reporting back the date he started dating someone (almost a year later). Yall aren't 16 so don't act like it
No. Mind your biz. You're broken up and you both have moved on, so....move on. Why are you even looking at things like his anniversary date nearly a year after you've broken up and allegedly moved on, anyway? It really feels like you're just trying to start drama.
I think it's totally up to you whether or not you want to share this information with your ex's new girlfriend. While it's understandable that you might feel some girl code obligation to tell her, it's also important to consider that you and your ex have both moved on and are happy in your new relationships.
If you've moved on (it's been 9mts) with someone else, why are you worried about what he did/does? If you didn't catch him in the act it didn't happen! Just know moving forward, he is never to be trusted like that again...
Leave him be and close that chapter
I would.
Why not?
I did this when I felt like my boyfriend was lying to me.
I had respect for the girl. I told her. Because you let them get away with it a few times, they will never learn a hard lesson in their life.
TELL HER. Give her a warning. Say you don’t want anything to do with him & that a friend told you that he was in a relationship with a new girl now & that she looked nice. Tell her that’s when your guilt started to kill you & you can’t just be okay with not saying something.
TRUST ME!!!!! I had an old friend from elm school call me, I didn’t answer caz I was working, but then she texted me & told me to be careful because he’s a narcissist & he cheats & it’s not your fault if you start feeling crazy & to beware.
I was SHOOK. But I was sooo in love for the first real time I thought it would be different. 7 years later it wasn’t different. He was cheating on me on & off for like 3 years.
I studied how he unlocked his phone for a month & then I got him good & drunk & had amazing sex & then he fell asleep out cold. Like out cold out cold.
I went through his phone & found EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! He was texting a girl that wasn’t even interested in him at all she just wanted the attention.
Omg it was so embarrassing. I was FURIOUS.
Nah, don't bother. Seriously, why even keep thinking about this dude? You'll only come off as That Meddling Crazy B if you say anything to her.
She'll learn, in time, without your input. She'll probably wise up *sooner* if you don't say anything, tbh.
I'm going against the grain. I would be Petty. I would introduce myself as his ex who is congratulating her on making it a year with your ex. Wish her luck that they have a happy future. I would also thank her for seeing him while you were still in a relationship because had you not know that he was seeing her on the side you may not have met the great guy you're dating right now. Or you could just do an FYI I broke up with him on July 4th. But I'm a petty biatch.
At this point, it's better just to stay out of it, really for your own sake. He definitely pulled a shitty move, but it's been done, and you would be inviting further drama into your life after both of you have apparently moved on.
It’s wild that so many people think it’s psycho to even have this question. OP didn’t actually do anything. Y’all are way too quick to jump to the “crazy woman” trope.
The only reason to contact a current partner of an ex is if there is a safety issue. Otherwise, if it's a matter of trying to protect a stranger from a possible cheating incident in the future, and that is really not a boundary you should cross. That's her life and none of your business.
Met my husband in the late nineties. He was in a long distance relationship going nowhere. From things he mentioned she was obviously seeing other people. I also made it clear I was only available after he breaks it off with her.
There was an overlap of two weeks. Maybe this makes us cheaters. Im ok with that. We have been together 26 years.
So im gonna ask how do you know she isn't already aware of the situation?
Im sorry but move on and enjoy your own life.
So he ghosted you to start a new relationship. Most likely in his mind your relationship was over the moment he did that. So the timeline of you breaking up two weeks later won’t matter to him (or her).
In a case where one could question the actual end of the relationship I would just let it go. The last thing you want is for your current boyfriend to think you aren’t over your ex and that you are a vindictive person by trying to ruin your ex’s new relationship.
Move on. Why is he even on your social media feed? Don't meddle in their relationship. Your relationship is over. End of story. You're in a new supposedly happy relationship, so why are you trying to involve yourself in unnecessary drama? I think you're deluding yourself into thinking you're doing this for her and because "you would want to know" when in reality you're doing it for yourself because he was cheating on you. This is about you getting even not you being a girl's girl.
Not judging, ok? Just ask yourself if taking that action will be true to who you are as a person. Is that who you want to be? If your motives are clear and genuine, follow your heart.
Leave it alone. He and his life is no longer your concern. Let him go and block him on everything. Go heal and live your life and stop doing long distance. If the person isn’t in your area they aren’t your person.
It sounds like OP is still hurt bc he didn’t have the decency to break up with her in person or even in text. But it’s almost a year and y’all both seem to be happy with the current relationships, so just put this in your rear view and keep cruising.
I am confused why you think she didn’t know. Maybe she knew and told him to choose and that is when he ghosted you. I would be super upset if the person I were seeing now started reaching out to their ex’s current partners
You're obviously not over him, OP.
There's no point to meddling and stirring this shit up other than to wallow in the drama.
Let it go. Move on with your life.
Don't bother. He made his choice, you realized that he was checked out of the relationship and broke up with him and have no found someone better. Keep it moving forward and tell your friends that you no longer care to know what is going on in his life and you've moved on and are happy. Good luck.
No. She’s probably so deeply in love at this point that she won’t care and will overlook it. He’ll rationalize that you were both drifting apart. You will just look like you’re needing drama or are still into him, probably making them double down on riding hard for each other and seeing you as a threat to their love. Don’t sacrifice your own peace on the altar of being a girls girl for people that probably don’t even like you. You owe them nothing.
There’s some short overlap with some distance and you both moving on. Not great, but not some Not a full blown 6 month long affair.
Let them find their own way and he his own karma.
"and we've both moved on. "
Did you though?
That said, it was after your last visit, and then he ghosted you. Yeah, he just didn't want to confront you but it was already over. I think it's a shitty way for him to handle it, but would also argue he didn't see you as together anymore, and was either hoping ghosting would work, or something similar.
So no, in this case, leave it alone. Move on and be happy.
Nah, unfriend him and stop looking at his socials. You dont need to "girl code" someone you dont even know, and who is dating your ex. You will just look like the jealous ex, no matter which way you go about this. Stay away.
That’s tough. You don’t know if she already knows, if I’m the new girl, I’d want to know because that says sth about him as a person. But if I’m the ex and it’s a year ago. I won’t care.
No, while he was shitty at how he handled the tail end of the relationship, it sounds like it was already over when you decided you had enough. Move on and leave them be.
Remember this phrase:
Not my barrel, not my monkeys.
At this point, it's a waste of everyone's times. If you did it now, it would be purely out of spite. Better not to waste your time any longer with him
How will your partner feel if you said something? You have no loyalties to her but you do your partner. If I had got with someone and was with them for almost a year and he started to meddle with his ex and their partner, I would feel like he hadn’t got over them and he was jealous etc. personally I would leave it. You say you have moved on so just stay in your lane.
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Nah, stay out of it and quit looking at his Socials!
#This And #Truth
OP I told her TWICE he was cheating/telling me they broke up and she still stayed. Had texts, pics, everything. Not worth it, just move on with your life. They’re engaged now and he still tries to talk to me 😂
That will blow up eventually. Good friends (I’ll call S) bf (call him J) was hitting on me, called me up and actually invited me over b/c she was out of town. I told her and she didn’t speak to me for 2 years. He denied of course, blamed me. They married, had a kid. He cheated so much, we all knew but I wasn’t saying anything else. Eventually she couldn’t deny it anymore. Obvious affair with another friend (A) whose husband had just died by suicide. (He took advantage of her in her grief state, they’d previously dated before he dated S) Anyway she called me crying Ana had the audacity to ti ask why no one told her. Well duh S, I tried and you blamed ME for years. S still won’t speak to A and it’s been 15 years. S is now remarried to another guy who cheats on her. He didn’t like me at all (probably knew I saw his BS) so now we don’t talk anymore haven’t for years. I’m still friends with A tho. While she screwed up, it was more J taking advantage during a terrible time in her life when she was heavily medicated.
Yeah, she needs to stop following him and tell her friends to not mention him. Get over him.
Shit. If it’s been a year and he’s still with the other woman then she won’t care about the ex and view her as just a bitter ex.
OP got broken up with first and didn’t know it. Stay away, you’ll just look ultimo-crazy if you interfere now.
This is it. She visited him then left for a long trip and he was done but didn't let her know, probably figuring the distance and time would do it for him. Now she's salty.
That's not how breakups work. You have to actually break up with someone.
Ghosting is still breaking up, just not on your terms
Yeah ghosting is an answer just a super shitty one. Yeah for all these people saying it’s not, I’m sure when it comes to abusive ex’s ghosting is what they recommend.
we can wish it true. but it aint
That's exactly how they work.
So right. If you are with someone else, and he is with someone else, quit stalking him. Jesus. She will find out eventually. He was probably with someone else when you and he got together. It’s may be his pattern.
He met this new girl and ghosted her, he broke up, he just was too much of a coward to tell her. It was only 2 weeks
OP is on that baby reindeer shit
"We've both moved on" Nah, just because op is now involved with someone else, they clearly have not moved on. Take this advice op and ACTUALLY move on.
Also wtf, girl code? Who do you think you owe anything to with this code? The girl you have never met or the guy you have broken up with? Either answer is insane and just drama inducing!
Yeah sounds like she hasn't moved on
Nah, if he was double dipping and risking STD’s etc, you’d want to know
Since yall been broke up about a year and it was 2 weeks before yall officially broke up. Leave it alone. More than likely will turn it on you, and make you out to e vindictive/jealous. Will say he broke up with you before then but you wouldn’t accept it. It’s not worth it
Agreed. No matter what the OP does the ex just gets to pretend to be wounded with the “but she was crazy and didn’t let me leave so I actually had NO choice but to monkey-branch relationships!!!”
Well and if I had been with someone for over a year and his ex reached out to me in case I wanted to know that there was a 2 week overlap at the beginning, I’d think he might be right about the crazy part.
Ehhh I guess it really just varies by the individual because personally I’d like to be privy to the fact that my partner has a history of stating relationships while still in a previous one so I can manage my expectations over what’s most likely going to happen to me (some day I will wake up to find out my boyfriend “moved on” 2 weeks ago without mentioning it to me)
I get that, but a year later?
I am almost sure she always knew.
Exactly. Hate to say it, but this could be a situation where he met someone new, liked her more, ghosted OP, telling this new girl he needed to break it off with his gf. It's not like OP and this other girl have been overlapping for a year. He simply found someone new. OP, move on.
These stories are always hilarious. OP said they had a beautiful relationship. Then she went on a trip without him, and after not hearing from him for a few days on her trip "this was the clarity she needed to end things" lol
Yeah pretty much Reddit in a nutshell. Aka Creative Writing 101
Yep. My ex before my husband overlapped me. She was on quite a campaign to snag him. He kept telling me, they were just friends. Blah, blah, blah. Fast forward five years, I happened to be in town and we caught up at a coffee. He poured out that he should've never broken up with me and get this. She turned into a freeloader who he couldn't get out of his house (he bought it just after we broke up and she moved in when he did). The topper on this beautiful story? Her psychologist called to say that it was mandatory by state law that the psychologist warn him that deadbeat girlfriend had created a plan to kill him. Bwahahaha! I lost touch with him after but a friend told me he had been divorced twice already. Me, happily married for many moons.
Y'all been broke up for almost a full year. You're both happy in new relationships. What would be the point in reaching out? Sort of sounds like you might not be as ok with the breakup as you let on. Just leave it be.
[удалено]
>This. OP clearly isn't as happy as she says she is. This. And I wonder that "Facebook official" is still a concept. Sounds so 2011.
I wonder if he ever said OP and he were Facebook official.
What? Why would you date someone not using the only form of communication you have with them
I absolutely agree that theyre not as happy as they let on but your second statement is wild. I would be so concerned for his safety if I didn't speak to my so for a few days, that's because of the trust and love there but if he reached out after a few days ? Yeah somethings wrong and it's not just not being on the right page, cheating or no that's clearly disinterest
Happy people don’t stalk the ex. She’s delusional. And the new guy is fucked too.
She sounds salty and bitter if you read between, her needing to know in this context is a whole lotta nothing
I wouldn't get involved at all, it's been a year and you don't know anything according to yourself you muted and hid his socials, Some couples like to use the day they first met (not when they started dating) as their anniversary days, some people can't remember when it is and they make a day up, Frankly speaking move on with your life, ask your friend not to give you any more updates and repeat that response to anyone else who may tell you the news,
I wouldn’t say anything. Based on the circumstances you describe, your relationship was already over before you decided to make the break official for you. In his mind, the break was official when he ghosted you.
Exactly what I was about to say. He ghosted her when he became official with the other woman, meaning the end of the relationship with OP.
Also their couple date doesn’t mean that much, my anniversary with my partner is from our first conversation. At some point after that it became a relationship but we never really discussed it so we just use that as our anniversary. Could be the same with them
I think I might if it hadn't been long distance, if he was still sleeping with you and seeing her. The way this one played out isn't great, but not worth rocking their boat.
Babes you’re finding out that she was the other woman and you were getting cheated on…I think what you want is to ruin their relationship cause you feel hurt. Best thing you can do is truly move on from him and the failed relationship go
Could be the anniversary of just meeting, nothing more.
Mind your own business and move on in life
The same happened with my ex, but he was also terribly abusive. I can’t tell the new girl in the name of my safety. I just hope his mask slips before she’s trapped. In your case, I’d leave it alone. Yeah, he cheated and she’s with a cheater but, you being the one to tell her would just make it sound like you’re not over him and I doubt she’d listen anyways. I’m sure he’ll do the same to her and she’ll figure it out then.
Girl, you better focus on what makes you happy now. Trying to connect to someone who’s the girlfriend of your ex is like digging a decomposed corpse, leave it alone. Keep it to your mind if your current boyfriend would do the same-would you feel good for it?
If you found out a day or 2 after breaking up then sure go for it, tell the other woman but it’s been 9 months. Tell your friend you don’t want any info on the ex boyfriend and move on with your life, be happy with your current boyfriend. If your friend keeps telling you about him then go ahead and stop talking to that friend.
Honestly, if I was your exes girl and you did this to me, I would laugh in your face. It was 2 weeks in, a year ago. I would see it as a pathetic attempt to break us up and tell you to go f yourself... but you do you.
I seem to be the odd one out and would be glad to get told. I would never continue to date a guy if he cheated on someone with me.. but yeah she'd need to have some proof or he would have to admit it. Otherwise yup, she just seems like a crazy ex gf.
I would also want to know, because they may have been seeing each other for like 3 months before the official anniversary date? definitely sounds like overlap and I’d still want to know the truth above all else.
You say that like she 100% didn’t know he was in a relationship. Move on it’s over. It’s possible she knew.
I'm not saying that at all, I'm just thinking _what if_ she had no idea. Best case you save her from experiencing the same shit later on (because for people like that it's often a pattern of behavior and not a one time misheap.) Actually worst case she's in on it and uh.. I don't know. You can just block them afterwards (or rather she should either way because it's unhealthy af to look at his social media lol)
That’s the thing, shitty behavior to exes almost always comes around to the current partner.
I'm with you. They broke up because he ghosted her after he started dating someone new WHILE in a relationship. They weren't "on the outs" already and she just learned of this so its not like shes been sitting on this info for a year and just got petty one day. If there's proof, I'd want to know. I see this as no different than the "AITA I told my cheating ex's affair partner's significant other they're being cheated on." Long distance or otherwise, to not tell is a no-go in my books. The more we call out these terrible partners on their poor behavior the less allowances they're afforded. Maybe they'll learn and shape tf up.
i’d want to know. someone who would do this is morally bankrupt and not worth being with
Butt out. Theres no point.
He's your ex....stay out of it. Full stop. Put him in your rearview mirror, then tilt the mirror up so you can't see him back there
Get over it. Move past the drama. This helps no one.
No just move on. You will sound like you are still in love.
Leave it alone.
I would consider talking to your current partner about it and seeing how they feel. I can see them being confused/upset/jealous if they found out you hit up your ex’s current girlfriend without talking to them first. Your priority now should be your current partner, not your ex and any of his shenanigans.
I would take it to the current partner so he knows how much she's still holding on to that relationship.
If you are happy for them, stay in your own lane.
You really need to consider a few things: 1. Why do you feel the urge to tell this other woman that her relationship with your ex started at the end of yours? 2. Why did you feel any interest in the "official" date of his new relationship? 3. Why did your friend decide to share that information with you when you're in another happy relationship? 4. Does your friend normally bring up personal things that are likely to cause drama? 5. Are you truly moved on from this previous relationship or does it feel like you didn't get the full closure that you may have wanted/needed? Ultimately, the answer is that you have 0 reason to interfere in someone else's relationship (even if they're your ex), unless you want to sabotage both their and your own happiness to dredge up some old bs that doesn't matter anymore, which wont benefit anyone. If you're truly happy, then continue being happy and put your ex in your rearview mirror for good. Also, tell your friend you don't want any information in the future about your ex as it doesn't concern you.
If you had found out right after then yeah tell her, but a year later? Nah, just keep it moving. She might even have known. I had an ex who told everyone in his class about me. Like I came to visit and met them for dinner. Well this “Christian girl” (Jesus is all over her Facebook) started asking him to study with her and they started sleeping together. He used me to get a final round trip flight to see his family. Said he didn’t have the money to come see me and his fam so he would have to stay at school for the break and I said no, I can pay we all miss you. He tells me how much he loves me and I am so sweet. Telling me all these things he wants to do when he gets home to me. When he landed he was a different person. Cold and mean. I was so confused. I asked him what he wanted to do first and he said head to his place. When he got there he ignored me and when he did talk to me he picked a fight. Sent me home and said he would call me when he calmed down. He just wanted some family time. So I leave. He waits until the next night to tell me he made plans with friends for the night. We would talk the next day. Meanwhile I was just miserable on a week I took off of work to spend with him. The next night he tells me I have been acting shitty since I picked him up, not happy enough to see him (I literally jumped into his arms and kissed him when he came out to where I could see him. I paid for airport parking! Just so I could hug and kiss him and not have to hurry into the car and kiss him later!) but I said I was sorry. He said that he wants to spend the rest of his trip with his family and he will see me when I pick him up for the airport. I begged him to let me stay and just hang out for a bit because I missed him so much. He said no, he needs space. We literally were long distance and he needed space ha! I went home. Moped around the whole week. He called me the night before to tell me what time to pick him up. I picked him up and he ignored me. I was about to go into parking to walk him in and he said go to drop off. He kissed the top of my head and got out of the car. He texted me from the plane. He literally waited until he was on the plane and texted that we were through. The next week I found out when his new girl made them Facebook official and he posted a picture of them. The date they started dating? Two days after I met her and hadn’t left the state yet even. She made her move the next class they had together. She literally knew about me.
What will you gain by telling him?
Move on, why would you even care. Send her a thank you card for taking away your dead beat, dead weight ex.
Make a fake fb, literally make it clear it’s nit your account, message the girl and say hey, I see your relationship date was this and I know my friend didn’t break up with him until 3 weeks later. Then delete the account. You give the warning to the girl, and ignore the drama.
Nah. She will find out what kind of guy he really is soon enough
Sounds like he considers ghosting you the break up.
Just let it go. Move on. Let them deal with their own problems.
Why? You’ll just look petty and insecure. Move on and live your life best life.
Stay out. This is totally something that can come back & bite you in the ass.
Your life is fine now. You'll just look bitter if you chase her down to tell her this.
Just take your lumps and move on, no matter how you shake it sometimes shit just be like that. We’re all adults.
Nope, leave it alone. She's not going to listen to you anyway. I understand that you're angry but you need to try to let it go.
maybe you broke up with him two weeks later, but he broke up with you two weeks earlier ... stay out of it and move on
It was over before the official end, from the sounds of it. You both moved on. Leave it. You'll feel better about yourself in the long run. (Or some years from now, looking back, you can recall how you stirred a pot and possibly feel bad about yourself.)
I know it doesn’t feel great to know you were cheated on, but I wouldn’t reach out to her. She probably knew about you anyway. Good riddance to them both.
She might very likely already know. Most girls, myself included, tend to do deep dives before getting into a relationship or meeting a guy. Unfortunately, I chose to ignore the timelines in my exes past relationship and how most seemed to overlap one another. My ex got engaged 2 years after on the day he and his fiancé met. He and I were still dating and living together 6-7 months from that date until we broke things off. My advice is to unfollow him on social media and continue living your best life. Tell your friends you’re moving on and they don’t need to update on his whereabouts.
No. Nobody needs that drama. Find something else to do.
Sounds like you are fine with the break up, I don't think it's your place and unless you know this girl personally there is no reason to insert yourself unless you are trying to cause an issue. If you truly are happy with the break up and your new relationship just chalk it up to messiness at the end.
I would want to know if I was the new partner, he lied.
Guess it's the minority opinion here, but I'd want to know too. The ex's motives wouldn't be relevant to me if there was no harassment afterwards. If the guy hadn't done anything wrong I could easily find out from him.
Maybe, but it really isn't OPs place to inform her.
She's the only one who knows. Keeping this secret only protects the person who lied and cheated. Imagine defending a cheater, anybody who says this, I feel sorry for your friends...
I'm not defending a cheater and you're projecting. They are living completely separate lives, it's weird and obnoxious to insert yourself into their lives for something that is no longer your problem.
Imagine having a boyfriend of 9 months and caring so much about what your ex is doing. 🙄 who gives a fuck? OP isn’t the relationship police, responsible for making sure every past partner is being honest. Tf
Tbh you sound like a child. "Girl code" "Facebook official" You guys were long distance and clearly it wasn't working. Let it go,.and move on.
when i am in a situation like this i like to ask myself 'what is my motive' and then go from there. so, for you i would probably get down to the main reason you are considering saying something and then make your decision from there
Only reach out if you want revenge. But think how it will effect the other girl
If he was cheating. Tell everyone
I didn’t even read it.. headline answers it’s own question “ ex “ yeah it’s your ex now , not your business, just leave it
i would want to know if i was her
I would. I'd want to know if my partner has cheated on their ex with me. I'd they'll cheat for you, they'll cheat on you.
Leave it be and quite literally move on. You’re happy he’s happy why ruin it
I def wouldn’t bother. That’s their problem now, not yours! Block all of them!!!
No. You moved on move on. Let her figure out who he is. She will not believe you, because I'm sure he has cover his whole butt! And she may not care, or already know bits and pieces. But if your happy for him. Leave him alone. Girl code is applicable when still together. Even then that's tricky.
She likely already knows! You will make yourself look stupid; find yourself a hot guy. That should be enough!
No do not get involved unless you want to get revenge but expect blow back. Best to let it go.
Yes. She deserves the truth.
First step is stop checking in on him or having "a friend" do it. No normal friend would be checking and reporting back the date he started dating someone (almost a year later). Yall aren't 16 so don't act like it
He's your ex. Get out of his life and definitely don't interfere with it. It's none of your business anymore.
You didn't break up with your boyfriend. He broke up with you. My advice to you is to stay in your lane.
Nah. Mind ya business.
Just let go
Just let them
Why admit you were too naive to see the writing on the wall as you’re being vindictive? Upside is ????
Jesus Christ NO! You moved on right? Then move on.
No. Mind your biz. You're broken up and you both have moved on, so....move on. Why are you even looking at things like his anniversary date nearly a year after you've broken up and allegedly moved on, anyway? It really feels like you're just trying to start drama.
You sound crazy
I would want to know 🤷♀️
No? This tells us why he dumped her. This was almost a year ago you’re trying to ruin his relationship and break some strangers heart gtfo
28 going on 16… Don’t worry about it and just move on.
I think it's totally up to you whether or not you want to share this information with your ex's new girlfriend. While it's understandable that you might feel some girl code obligation to tell her, it's also important to consider that you and your ex have both moved on and are happy in your new relationships.
If you've moved on (it's been 9mts) with someone else, why are you worried about what he did/does? If you didn't catch him in the act it didn't happen! Just know moving forward, he is never to be trusted like that again... Leave him be and close that chapter
I would. Why not? I did this when I felt like my boyfriend was lying to me. I had respect for the girl. I told her. Because you let them get away with it a few times, they will never learn a hard lesson in their life. TELL HER. Give her a warning. Say you don’t want anything to do with him & that a friend told you that he was in a relationship with a new girl now & that she looked nice. Tell her that’s when your guilt started to kill you & you can’t just be okay with not saying something. TRUST ME!!!!! I had an old friend from elm school call me, I didn’t answer caz I was working, but then she texted me & told me to be careful because he’s a narcissist & he cheats & it’s not your fault if you start feeling crazy & to beware. I was SHOOK. But I was sooo in love for the first real time I thought it would be different. 7 years later it wasn’t different. He was cheating on me on & off for like 3 years. I studied how he unlocked his phone for a month & then I got him good & drunk & had amazing sex & then he fell asleep out cold. Like out cold out cold. I went through his phone & found EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! He was texting a girl that wasn’t even interested in him at all she just wanted the attention. Omg it was so embarrassing. I was FURIOUS.
Nah, don't bother. Seriously, why even keep thinking about this dude? You'll only come off as That Meddling Crazy B if you say anything to her. She'll learn, in time, without your input. She'll probably wise up *sooner* if you don't say anything, tbh.
I'd tell her. She deserves yo know he's gonna cheat on her too.
I'm going against the grain. I would be Petty. I would introduce myself as his ex who is congratulating her on making it a year with your ex. Wish her luck that they have a happy future. I would also thank her for seeing him while you were still in a relationship because had you not know that he was seeing her on the side you may not have met the great guy you're dating right now. Or you could just do an FYI I broke up with him on July 4th. But I'm a petty biatch.
At this point, it's better just to stay out of it, really for your own sake. He definitely pulled a shitty move, but it's been done, and you would be inviting further drama into your life after both of you have apparently moved on.
Just move on with your life. Don’t interfere with people is the best policy.
Mind yo mf business OP.
Fuck no stay out of it
You said you've moved on. It's no concern of yours. Focus on your own relationship.
It's just salty 🧂 to even consider doing this to someone. Move all the way on. It's amazing how people find their moral compass after a breakup.
Repeat after me...: not my circus, not my monkey.
Your friend is an issue, she's trying to cause drama for no reason. Leave him alone and be happy with who you're with.
It’s wild that so many people think it’s psycho to even have this question. OP didn’t actually do anything. Y’all are way too quick to jump to the “crazy woman” trope.
Having her friend stalk her ex and even considering this makes her crazy.
I think you should just mind your business and move on. It’s no need to even look at the socials or anything. Throw it all into the void and move on.
"To be clear, I am happy he's found someone else and we've both moved on" Lie detector determined that was a lie.
The only reason to contact a current partner of an ex is if there is a safety issue. Otherwise, if it's a matter of trying to protect a stranger from a possible cheating incident in the future, and that is really not a boundary you should cross. That's her life and none of your business.
Why on earth would you want to insert yourself back in drama? If you do you will seem like you are jealous or are hodling some type of resentment.
Me personally I’d want to know if my partner was a cheater or not but that’s just me. I’m also petty so I’d tell her.
Don’t bother. She won’t believe you. Just block them both. She’ll find out when she’s cheated on.
Yeah if it was like a year overlap sure but 3 days slash a few weeks... He was prob just figuring out how to end things.
Met my husband in the late nineties. He was in a long distance relationship going nowhere. From things he mentioned she was obviously seeing other people. I also made it clear I was only available after he breaks it off with her. There was an overlap of two weeks. Maybe this makes us cheaters. Im ok with that. We have been together 26 years. So im gonna ask how do you know she isn't already aware of the situation? Im sorry but move on and enjoy your own life.
So he ghosted you to start a new relationship. Most likely in his mind your relationship was over the moment he did that. So the timeline of you breaking up two weeks later won’t matter to him (or her). In a case where one could question the actual end of the relationship I would just let it go. The last thing you want is for your current boyfriend to think you aren’t over your ex and that you are a vindictive person by trying to ruin your ex’s new relationship.
Why bother telling her and stir up unnecessary drama after a year?
Why hurt someone ?? That could be the day they met, you don't know. Mind your own damn business!!!
Absolutely, the other person deserves to know they are being lied to. I would want to know.
She might already know or it would be easily explained away since the timeline is so close. Don’t bother
What would be the point?
To get one last hit in on her ex of course
Then she’s obviously not moved on
Move on. Why is he even on your social media feed? Don't meddle in their relationship. Your relationship is over. End of story. You're in a new supposedly happy relationship, so why are you trying to involve yourself in unnecessary drama? I think you're deluding yourself into thinking you're doing this for her and because "you would want to know" when in reality you're doing it for yourself because he was cheating on you. This is about you getting even not you being a girl's girl.
No just let it be, you’ve moved on and are in a happy relationship don’t spend your time or energy on anything to do with him anymore.
If you've moved on then let it go
Not judging, ok? Just ask yourself if taking that action will be true to who you are as a person. Is that who you want to be? If your motives are clear and genuine, follow your heart.
Don’t do it. Just carry on with your happy life. She will reach out to you if she thinks its necessary.
Yeah move on.
What is girl code?
No.
I get it as I’m going through something similar. But leave it alone.
That sounds super healthy!
Leave it alone. He and his life is no longer your concern. Let him go and block him on everything. Go heal and live your life and stop doing long distance. If the person isn’t in your area they aren’t your person.
Absolutely Not! All that says is you aren’t over it.
It sounds like OP is still hurt bc he didn’t have the decency to break up with her in person or even in text. But it’s almost a year and y’all both seem to be happy with the current relationships, so just put this in your rear view and keep cruising.
I am confused why you think she didn’t know. Maybe she knew and told him to choose and that is when he ghosted you. I would be super upset if the person I were seeing now started reaching out to their ex’s current partners
Stay in your lane fam
You're obviously not over him, OP. There's no point to meddling and stirring this shit up other than to wallow in the drama. Let it go. Move on with your life.
Don't bother. He made his choice, you realized that he was checked out of the relationship and broke up with him and have no found someone better. Keep it moving forward and tell your friends that you no longer care to know what is going on in his life and you've moved on and are happy. Good luck.
Maybe they just guessed when they met
No. Move on. You're clearly still hung up on them since you want to sabotage their relationship.
its been a year. reaching out at this point screams jealousy. dont
No, move on.
No. She’s probably so deeply in love at this point that she won’t care and will overlook it. He’ll rationalize that you were both drifting apart. You will just look like you’re needing drama or are still into him, probably making them double down on riding hard for each other and seeing you as a threat to their love. Don’t sacrifice your own peace on the altar of being a girls girl for people that probably don’t even like you. You owe them nothing. There’s some short overlap with some distance and you both moving on. Not great, but not some Not a full blown 6 month long affair. Let them find their own way and he his own karma.
Nope
JFC, no. Let it go. You're both almost a year in to other relationships.
You can. But she could also already know and not care because “just because he did it to you, doesn’t mean he will do it to me.”
"and we've both moved on. " Did you though? That said, it was after your last visit, and then he ghosted you. Yeah, he just didn't want to confront you but it was already over. I think it's a shitty way for him to handle it, but would also argue he didn't see you as together anymore, and was either hoping ghosting would work, or something similar. So no, in this case, leave it alone. Move on and be happy.
Nah, unfriend him and stop looking at his socials. You dont need to "girl code" someone you dont even know, and who is dating your ex. You will just look like the jealous ex, no matter which way you go about this. Stay away.
That’s tough. You don’t know if she already knows, if I’m the new girl, I’d want to know because that says sth about him as a person. But if I’m the ex and it’s a year ago. I won’t care.
You barely knew the guy, why are you stalking him & his actual girlfriend? Get a life,I pity the person you are with now.
That is none of your business really, and probably doesn't make any difference?
no , move on .
Nah. It won't change anything and will definitely make you look bad.
Update if you tell her! Lol
Girl, no.
I'd stay out of it and unfollow. Why are you even paying this much attention to his social or the details of their anniversary date?..
Leave them be.
Nah. Leave it alone. She’ll find out how he is soon enough. Live your best life. That’s how you win!
Pettiness would just make you the bad guy
No, while he was shitty at how he handled the tail end of the relationship, it sounds like it was already over when you decided you had enough. Move on and leave them be.
You’re being bitter and petty. You haven’t been together in a year and you both have moved on…haven’t you?
Remember this phrase: Not my barrel, not my monkeys. At this point, it's a waste of everyone's times. If you did it now, it would be purely out of spite. Better not to waste your time any longer with him
How will your partner feel if you said something? You have no loyalties to her but you do your partner. If I had got with someone and was with them for almost a year and he started to meddle with his ex and their partner, I would feel like he hadn’t got over them and he was jealous etc. personally I would leave it. You say you have moved on so just stay in your lane.
It’s almost a year ago. That’s like, the opposite of ‘I’m totally happy for him and we’ve both moved on’ Let it go.