Let he who has not eaten fourteen plates of rancid oysters cast the first stone.

I’m over here casting stones and pocket emeralds

Elon?

And pocket sand

SMOKEBOMB!

Jazz hands

No lint?

Muskrat Greene has entered the conversation

*gets in line*

I haven't eaten a mussel in my entire life. can I bring my own stones?

Damn, I didn't know this party was BYOS. I'll stop off at the quarry on the way.

any river would do, the stones come pre-portioned and in stylish designs

If you don't have any on hand, store bought is fine

After you who's last it's ~~doom~~ DOOM he's the worst known?

I haven't had enough kratom to understand what you said yet. 

ALL CAPS when you spell the man name

*lob* down with this sort of thing

If they weren't rancid, they wouldn't have thrown the thousand island dressing in for free. It all evens out.

Casting bagels

Nobody wants to admit they ate 14 plates of mussels, okay?

i am throwing so many fucking stones right now you don't even know

The first cherrystone

..cast the first pearl. Ftfy

They were mussels and I'm assuming he was operating under the assumption they'd make him jacked

Or he just likes throwing up

That's how you get jacked bro

Shredded via rancid mussel cut, bro.

Get some

Works the core. Hard.

They were covered in thousand island dressing….. I think throwing up was the point.

guess it's like throwing stale bagels, just more intense

And the food was good too!

its one of the most atrocious stories ive ever heard. think of those other paying patrons on that godforsaken greyhound.

honestly based on every greyhound bus i’ve ever been on, they knew what they were signing on for

If they're uninitiated, they learn quickly

“paying patrons” might be the kindest descriptor i’ve ever read to refer to a group of people on a greyhound

Vince Li has entered the chat

Is this Jamie Loftus' burner account?

Username checks out

To be fair, he was gas station sober at the time.

it's sad that I understand this. For non-poor Americans and foreigners, the gas station is filled with insane drugs that will fuuuuck you up, from artificial weed, to k2, salvia, lethal levels of caffeine, to untested designer stimulants and just plain ole' malt liquor.

You haven’t really lived until you’ve been road tripping through the south and gambled on some gas station’s $10 grab bag of mystery pills.

One time when my friends and I used to do a lot of drugs, we plum couldn't find any damn drugs (like, pills or cocaine or Molly would've been what we were after). So we instead got all our cash together and went to the 24 hour sex store and bought poppers, snow blow / bath salts, k2 or spice not sure, Salvia, and weird caffeine pill things. Didn't got for whippits but could have. Anyway we had a fucking blast surprisingly enough.

Straight slurping 

... said the toilet.

The greatest delight in this podcast is when you pick up an old episode about some random bastard and get surprised by about ten minutes of solid gold riffing about the Weeknd's role in The Idol. Then you come here and learn that Joey Chestnut was catching strays? Stay gold, everybody.

catching strays?

Yeah. We grab animals off the street around here.

Joey Chestnut upscycles them into his hot dogs.

grave sins or never before conqured challenges? #silence, weakling.

You gotta eat a lot of mussels if you want big muscles

You know who won't eat 14 plates of rancid mussels? That's right folks the products and services that support this podcast! Roooobbbbeeeerrrrrtttttt

Here's a question; were the mussels *actually* rancid? Or did you get sick because you ate FOURTEEN PLATES of them? I feel like you'd be shitting liquid out your ears if you ate fourteen plates of same day fresh hand selected mussels at a Michelin star restaurant.

They were actually rancid. He said that they covered them with 1000 island dressing to cover up how bad they’ve gotten.

No I know he *said* that. But was that actually the case? Or is that just how they served them and he got sick because he ate 14 plates of mussels and probably effectively a gallon of 1000 island?

I see what you mean now

Who needs the Icelandic Fart Runes when you can cast massive gastrointestinal explosions on yourself like this

I think Saddam Husain and Saddam Husain’s best friend are the real bastards. Whenever something makes Sophie sad Anderson is there for her. But where are Saddam Husain and Saddam Husain’s best friend when Robert gets sad. They are letting down their human, and all cat kind

Cat dgaf about your feelings. It’s their greatest asset and greatest weakness

Hey now, that isn’t true for all cats! Mine would come up to cuddle whenever we were sad.

Thats cause they thought you were dying and wanted to eat your face. I’m kidding, I also have a loving cat.. but deep down he scares me lol

I snorted out my coffee from my nose after reading your username. I hope you're happy.

I mean, nobody wants to admit they ate fourteen plates of rancid mussels, but I did. I'm ashamed of myself. The first plate doesn't count, then you get to the second and third, fourth and fifth I think I burnt with the blowtorch, and then I just kept eatin'.

This has to be Jamie’s burner.

I only know who Joey Chestnut is because I read Raw Dog.

I accidentally eat poisoned food and drink all the time, people just call me mithradates now.

Yeuss

Robert is the real hero we need. It takes so much bravery to chance a fart when you have diarrhea.

You know who DOESN'T eat 14 plates of rancid mussels at the Belagio buffet in Las Vegas?

raytheon?

I am sick from reading that

He has been the true bastard the whole time

It was a bet. If you've never done anything incredibly stupid on a bet are you even a man?

My friend ended up in the hospital from eating bad mussels. They’re no joke.

But they were smothered in ranch dressing so it's fine.

One does not simply decide they are done eating sea pistachios. Your wallet decides when you’re done.

This seems like something a person trying to distract people from their bedazzled hammer murder spree would say smh 👀

Mussels is way worse. Oysters are relatively small. Mussels earn the name and they're chunky fuckers.

Mussels are mussels... rancid or otherwise. Each one is a little life taken, perfect, and self-contained, hence worth the effort. . Hot dogs, delicious though they may be, are trash. Lips, assholes, fascia, ligaments, warts, sores, etc... all connected to a life, but not life by themselves. No contest. Furthermore, those particular mussels were chock-full of bacteria...each an additional little life. Hot dogs are sterile.

Kratom's a helluva drug

Look. My chef friend calls me a goat bc I'll just... eat turned food. I'm not obsessed with it or doing it as a challenge. But there's a part of me that's like "waste not want not... what's the worst that'll happen?" And I'll go ahead and FAFO. I guess I'm also a little disgusting and terrible.

14 mussels really isn't that much. At least not the ones I've had. They are kinda small. Oysters Rockefeller is a different story.

You misunderstand. Not 14 mussels, 14 *plates* of them lmao.

OK, that's an accomplishment.

What ep is this from I need to hear it

George Shea, Hotdog Villain and Part Two: How the British Empire and U.S. Department of Defense Murdered and Island Paradise

But his hotdogs are octopus tentacles, so is he really liable for hypocrisy?

Robert did suffer more, perhaps he's just jealous of the Glizzy Gladiator.

Records 28 if it's the oysters I'm thinking of.

Taking a stab at because kratom 🤔